RUI

Even though I enjoy post's about peculiar things that take place in Florida I'm sure that riding while intoxicated is pretty much a worldwide occurrence. I don't see anything wrong with either biking or horseback riding while drunk as long as your'e the only one at risk which would mean staying off the streets. This 53 year old Florida woman was busted after someone called 911 because she was riding a horse down the middle of a busy highway. When the officers arrived and did a breath test it registered .161,considerably higher than the state's legal limit of .08. The woman was charged with DUI,animal neglect and endangerment,the horse was taken to an animal shelter. The woman had quite an impressive list of prior arrests including animal abuse.

Steamy Thoughts

Most people have what they feel are profound thoughts in the shower it's just an automatic part of the routine that allows the mind to roam free,of course in my case I've long forgotten what my momentary genius had to say once I'm dried off and dressed. This isn't true for everyone so I've included a few of these epiphanies.
Humans are more interested in pandas having sex than pandas are.
Wish we could dream with others,like multiplayer dreaming.
Hogwarts houses are like star signs for the millennials.
Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it,but not necessary that you show it off. (Too bad the tweeter in chief doesn't realize this.)
How many chips in a bag come from the same potato?
You can't clean. You just make something else dirty.
Don't use the bathroom in your dream. It's a trap.

Pie and Plow Promo

This has to be one of the best ideas to come down the pike in a long time. A Michigan pizzeria started an offer for a one topping large pizza delivered plus your driveway snow plowed for $30. The owners thought the promotion was good for selling pizza when people normally wouldn't be getting out to eat and adding on the snow plowing adds to customer loyalty year round. They may have to raise the price if the snow gets too deep as it will take longer to plow.

Hot Dog Holdup Misfires

Today's post cracks me up for several reasons,the first and most obvious is when this 19 year old wannabe robber robs a 24 hour hot dog stand then shoves the gun down the back of his pants and shoots himself twice...once in the penis! He also took the two employees cellphones and wallets which was a good thing because he didn't make it far before he had to call 911 for help. To literally add insult to injury it was all caught on tape and apparently he was wearing the "baggy" pants as the police were able to match the pattern on his boxer shorts to the bloody ones he was wearing when police took him to the hospital. He was unable to attend his bond hearing so he is being held without bail. Let this be a lesson to any of you who might think robbery is an easy business,things always look easier on TV.

Egg Hunt

Not only do stores already have Easter items on display there is also a Cadbury egg hunt underway in the UK (hey,that rhymes!). In an effort to dispel rumors about the quality of their products since they were taken over by Kraft Foods in 2010 they are releasing a white chocolate creme egg. In the style of Willy Wonka there is a limited number of the white eggs (around 400) all wrapped like the regular chocolate eggs but the white chocolate eggs are worth from 100($130 US) pounds to 2,000($2,702) pounds, the amounts of the win are revealed on the inside of the wrapper. Personally I've never cared for the creme eggs,I find them sickeningly sweet,plus the way they imitate an actual egg yolk is a little on the gross side.

Moving Violation?

If  ever there was a sure fire way to get out of a traffic ticket this Texas driver has it figured out. The man was stopped by a deputy for a violation (I'm not clear on why he was stopped) but the deputy was so intrigued by the hot dog sitting on his bumper with a free sign that he let the man go with a warning saying that he must be a cautious driver since the hot dog was still on the bumper. A dialogue between the two men follows:
"Driver: funny story actually.. I spent the day in Waco and had some hot dogs for lunch. I set one on the rear bumper and somehow forgot about it and continued running errands around Waco. It wasn't until several people asked about the hot dog, at several different locations, that I realized I had left it on there, so I put a little note on the bumper.

Me: is the hot dog glued on there or what?

Driver: What?! You mean it's still there? That's insane!

Me: yes sir, still there! (I'm laughing hard at this point)

Driver: (loses it) I DROVE ALL OVER WACO AND BACK TO BROWNWOOD AND THAT HOT DOG IS STILL THERE!

Me: Apparently so!

Me: do you mind if I take a picture?

Driver: Go right ahead!

So, I went and took this picture of a well-traveled hot dog.

Me: Sir, it is apparent that you are a cautious driver, so you're only gonna receive a verbal warning for your violation... and thank you, this made my day.

Driver: maybe I should drive around with a hot dog on my bumper all the time, so I don't get any tickets!"

In the Beginning

January is Clap for Health Month which I found amusing since "the clap" is one of the slang terms used that refer to gonorrhea. If your'e wondering why it is called the clap there is no concrete answer but the two most popular guesses are: doctors used to clap the penis between their hands to force out the infection. In French the clap is related to the words brothel sore. Time to get on with the month and the new year!
1/1 World Peace Day
1/2 Happy Mew Year for Cats Day
1/3 National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day
1/4 Trivia Day (everyday is trivia day for me)
1/5 Bird Day
1/6 Fruitcake Toss Day
1/7 I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore Day
1/8 Argyle Day
1/9 National Static Electricity Day (followed by...)
1/10 National Cut Your Energy Costs Day
1/11 National Milk Day (milk is the most popular beverage chosen for state's beverages)
1/12 National Hot Tea Day
1/13 Make Your Dreams Come True Day
1/14 International Kite Day
1/15 Blue Monday (First Monday of the year other than New Years Day)
1/16 Appreciate a Dragon Day
1/17 Cable Car Day
1/18 Thesaurus Day
1/19 Popcorn Day
1/20 National Cheese Lovers Day
1/21 National Hugging Day
1/22 Answer Your Cat's Questions Day (all mine ever ask is "Now?")
1/23 National Pie Day
1/24 Beer Can Day
1/25 International Irish Coffee Day
1/26 National Peanut Brittle Day
1/27 National Geographic Day
1/28 Rubber Ducky Day
1/29 Curmudgeons Day
1/30 Croissant Day
1/31 Inspire You Heart with Art Day