Spa Shame

A woman and her boyfriend decided to relax at a spa in Germany,so far so good. They were told that to use the sauna they had to be naked as no swimsuits were allowed,they went to separate areas to undress and as she came out she grabbed a small towel and walked through the door,only it was the wrong door and left her on an outside fire escape. She started pounding on the door in hope of getting someone to open it but all she did was draw attention to her naked self. She went down another story and tried that door with no luck the next story down the door opened to a maintenance room which she wandered through until she came to a freight elevator. Unable to read the writing she started mashing buttons at random,about that time she notices a security camera and a mans voice says something in German and the elevator starts. When the door opens a man is standing there and she is trying to decide what to try to cover with the small towel,he leads her to a sign in area where the receptionist gives her a lobster pool float to hide her nakedness,then wants her to produce ID in order to get back in. When she finally gets back to her boyfriend he doesn't even ask if she is okay,even though she is crying because he's mad that she is late.
I thought his might help anyone who thinks they're having a bad day! Most everyone has had a naked dream but few people have ever lived this nightmare.

The Pillaging Begins

A herd of 14 opportunistic elephants in search of food found more than they bargained for when they came upon a farm in isolation because of the virus. The elephants imbibed in around 8 gallons of corn wine causing 2 of the males to pass out in the tea garden and most likely the entire herd was not to lively the next day. I've heard of animals getting drunk from fermented fruits but didn't realize they would suck it right up as a finished liquor.

Simple Math

I've never claimed to be a math person but as with most people I know enough for everyday use and now is the time for those of you who are hoarding toilet paper to brush off your math skills and put them to work. An American man was fed up with the panic buying so he had his daughter film him as he did the math. It was this simple...if you buy 1 30 roll Costco bale of TP each roll has 425 sheets equaling a total of 12,750 sheets,if a person uses 20 sheets per bowel movement that covers 637.5 bowel movements or 45.5 shits per day so if a hoarder buys 4 bales for a family of 4 in quarantine for 14 days they would need to shit 182 times per day. So stop hoarding the toilet paper already! Maybe it's just me but I find this way more entertaining than I probably should.

Where Is Moderation?

Wellness beers kind of seems like a contradiction but they're a real thing and there is a market for them. Mainly though they are made for the folks who participate in athletic events and like to enjoy a beer after the event and they do contain less alcohol and like other sports drinks they have electrolytes. Still the debate rages and as usual it comes back to moderation. Beer is good for you,just like Guinness claims as it has antioxidants,B vitamins and can prevent osteoporosis,PETA even advertised that beer is better for you than milk. So back to the moderation thing...the answer depends on who you ask and varies accordingly,so I say what the hell? Kick back and enjoy a brew!



“The difference lies mostly in the dose. Moderate drinking seems to be good for the heart and circulatory system, and probably protects against type 2 diabetes and gallstones. Heavy drinking is a major cause of preventable death in most countries.”

It's a Sham

I have nothing against St. Patrick's Day however as holidays go there is little to nothing accurate about the history of the Saint or things associated with the date. St. Patrick wasn't born in Ireland he was kidnapped from Britain by pirates and taken to Ireland where he worked as a shepherd until he escaped and went back home where he vowed to return and bring Christianity to the pagans. He didn't rid the island of snakes as there haven't been any snakes in 10,000 years,and last the color green is most likely a reflection on the Emerald Isle itself rather than the saint as in that time period  green was not a common color for clothing,he probably wore blue.

Questions

I suppose everyone is tired of hearing about the damn virus and I am too though I have some questions. Are some or maybe all of the suggestions somewhat arbitrary? Like the 6 foot buffer between people (though I like that idea) is a person doomed if the distance falls to 5 feet 11 inches? Same with the no groups larger than 250,but 249 is fine because only groups of 250 or more will contain an infected person? I also wonder why they aren't including the
incubation period which for those of you who may be wondering is 1-14 days,also an odd spread,but hey,I don't have a medical degree so what do I know? Now for the real message of the day,try to not let stress get the better of you as it lowers your resistance plus if you allow yourself to turn it on someone else that is your bad because you don't know their situation and maybe they really do have a need for whatever it is they are over buying,whether that need is mental or physical. Though one wonders about this UK man who was stocking up on Irn Bru soft drink.

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Something Simple

After my weekly shopping trip this morning turned nightmarish I need to fall back on something that doesn't require a lot of thought on my part. Though many of the shelves were bare I got everything on my list which as usual is mainly fresh stuff,other than cabbage and I didn't want a head of cabbage the size of a basketball. Not only were there way more early morning shoppers than usual the aisles were partially blocked by pallets of freight waiting to be broke down and shelved,and at least a dozen personal shoppers filling orders for people so they wouldn't have to mingle with the possibly contaminated masses. Without further ado I present signs made by librarians,those oh so clever folks.