Base a Ball

For those of you old enough cast your memory back to 1978 when on  SNL  Jane Curtin introduced Chico Escuela a Dominican ballplayer who managed to proclaim,"base-ball been berry,berry good to me". Or cast back even further to the Abbott and Costello Who's on First routine. My point is,love it or not baseball can be a funny sport.
"The season starts too early and finishes too late and there are too many games in between." Bill Veeck
"Everytime a baseball player grabs his crotch,it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player." Marsha Warfield
"Baseball is associated with sex. "He's playing the field." "He scored." "He didn't get to first base." "I struck out." Why? "She wanted a diamond." Jerry Seinfeld
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life,she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base." Dave Barry
"I'm one of those people who's not really turned on by baseball. My idea of a relief pitcher is one that's filled with martinis." Dean Martin

Wedding Season

With all the changes in regards to weddings maybe June isn't "the" wedding month anymore,I really haven't a clue. According to the news today the new go to gift for the newlyweds is cash,which is explained by couples getting married later in life so they already have the material things they need. The new theme wedding is the Pokemon,which I had thought was surely out of vogue by now but once again,show me to think. So far the Pokemon wedding is only available in Japan,but maybe if a person contacted ESCRIT (the company working with Pokemon Co.) a deal could be made for another venue.

All Washed Up

It is odd how often showering has been the subject of this blog,one of the first times showering appeared here it was about the Brits invention of blow up pokey things coming out of the shower walls after nine minutes to signal that shower time was over. Since that time I have timed my showers just out of curiosity and they average 12 minutes. Next was a repeated theme of shower thoughts composed of the profound and puzzling thoughts that occur while performing the mundane task of cleaning ones body. It now comes to my attention that 19% of people don't wash their legs when they shower for reasons varying from their legs don't get dirty to the shampoo and soap from the upper body serve to clean the legs. I'm in the 81% that do wash their legs,as long as you're in the shower you might as well complete the task at hand rather than leaving the lower half unexposed to the power of a good soaping,or at least that's my shower thought for the day. 

Condom Wear

Here we go again with the fashion folks going way out there rather than actually being innovative in a way that makes their designs more comfortable and wearable. This time they have introduced the purple hanger tie front latex dress,never mind that many people have allergies to latex so severe that even breathing particles of latex can cause them distress,not to mention how could anyone possibly be comfortable wearing something that doesn't breath? Apparently I'm not the only one that thought it wasn't a sound idea as the company dropped the price from $316 to $221. Another comment asked why would anyone buy an outfit for that price when a person could get a roll of colored Saran Wrap and make their own clothing line. Good point.

Syco Socks

Syco,pronounced "sicko" is being used in this instance as an abbreviation for sycophant which clearly describes the Lt. Gov. of Louisiana in reference to his choice of socks. On a recent visit from trump the Lt. Gov proudly pulled up his pant leg to reveal he was wearing trump socks,and even though most people would recognize the socks were made in an attempt to mock trump, trump was flattered. If anyone feels the need,whatever that need might be,to purchase a pair of these socks they can be had for $30 from Gumball Poodle and come with their own tiny comb. 

Rejected Donation

I'm not sure where this took place but I'm guessing the UK,not that the location makes any difference. A woman took some items to her chosen charity but they refused to take the blue floral pillows and she had no idea why so she went online with the question and was shocked when she finally saw what was obvious to her given charity. What I find humorous is that the woman never noticed while she had the pillows but the charity worker (read do gooder) spotted the "hidden" image right away,though I don't understand why that should make the pillows unmarketable in fact it might make them more sought after depending on the consumer,which leaves me thinking that the charity must have had a religious affiliation.

Holy Cow

What is with all these bizarre challenges? It seems like people are just making up crazy stuff to see if anyone will do it and there never seems to be a shortage of takers. For instance a recent app in Austria,Switzerland,Germany and other German speaking countries is asking participants to kiss cows for charity but oddly enough the charity is never named. An Austrian official warned people not to participate as they could be in danger if they got between a cow and her calf. Personally I would be more concerned with fences or gates being compromised and the cows getting out and injured as it seems like it might already be to late to save the people who are gullible enough to go for a cow kissing challenge...not that I have anything against cows. 

Break In

Some of you may have heard about the Massachusetts man who came home to find his back door open. He started carefully going through the house afraid of finding the intruder but he found no one and noticed the smell of cleaning products,he then noticed that the house had been cleaned and origami toilet paper roses left in the bathrooms,every room but the kitchen was spotless. To me this is where it gets a bit weird as I would have chalked it up to good luck,or cleaning fairies but the man called the police and reported the break in,  police are still investigating "the crime". Meanwhile the man supposes a cleaning service must have come to the wrong house,though that doesn't really explain why the kitchen was left untouched nor does anyone ever mention the punishment for unlawful cleaning.

Travel Tips

I'm back, just like a bad penny you can't seem to get rid of me. I made a mental list on my latest outing of things both to do and not to do when traveling so you can learn from my various mistakes and the things that went well. First do not go through the TSA scanner with your pants unzipped or you will be pulled aside for a pat down. Do immediately wallow in the space when you get seated in a row all by yourself!  On to the rental car...I don't know how many cars have this feature but the car I had turned down the music when you put it in reverse which seemed a lot like people who need to turn down the music when they are looking for an address. When you return your rental car make sure to mention anything about your trip that wasn't perfect and they might give you a discount, hey it worked for me when I told them there were no convenient gas stations since the rerouted the traffic around the airport. Last but certainly not least always put on you reading glasses when you print your boarding pass so you don't miss the tiny print that says TSA precheck.

Time Off

Since I've been fairly well behaved I'm giving myself a week or so off for my fair behavior. Why only fair behavior you ask? Because well behaved women rarely make history. Which brings me to today's subject a particularly poorly behaved plane passenger who had no qualms about putting her bare feet on the headrest in front of her. I don't know what it is about flying that brings out the worst in people,maybe they just aren't comfortable being that close to total strangers,though if that were the case one would think that putting your feet on the headrest in front of you would be out of the question. Never mind that considering the way the seats are built and lined up it doesn't seem like putting your feet on the headrest in front of you would be comfortable.

Drinking on the Job

No,that's not quite right,more like drinking is the job but wait,there's more! Along with drinking is the job they also pay $40 an hour! I was thinking this would be a great companion job to the yacht reviewing job...they could call it HushHush Sweet Natty. Natty is the pet name for the beer in question,Natural Light. The job description is:looking for summer intern to work at NYC headquarters,not looking for someone traditionally qualified,but someone who's Natty qualified,lives the values of the Natural Light brand,is just as creative at writing an English 102 essay as they are at converting a bathtub into a cooler. The internship will also entail attending sporting events,marketing and social media,applicant must also be 21. I know the perfect person for this job not to mention any names (Willa).

Boob-kini

Another case of can fashion get any weirder is where today's post should be filed. A company (I hesitate to use fashion to describe what they are offering) called Oh Polly has "revealed" the latest in swimwear,the underboob bikini,aka "Spill the tea underbust t-shirt bikini". It amounts to showing the underside of the boob rather than the upper portion,but I'm thinking these would only work on really young firm women,or women with artificially firm breasts. The product description reads,"Wanna cover up,but don't really wanna cover up?" Oh well,to each their own.

Hey Sailor

I wonder why I never heard of any job like this when I was still a part of the job market,oh well,I'm thankful those days are behind me. HushHush, a London based luxury store is seeking someone to ensure the yachts listed on their site meet high standards. Each yacht review takes about a week on the boat to evaluate every plug,bed,shower,tap and everything else is up to our high standards and pays $1,300 per yacht so potentially a person could earn around $65,000 per year. No prior experience is necessary.  To sum up the job requirements: living on a yacht and complaining if anything is wrong!

Getting Your Mow On

A Sixty-eight year old Florida man (no,really it happened in Florida) was charged with DUI after running his lawnmower/trailer into a parked police car. The officer heard the crash from inside a nearby business and found the man when he came out to investigate. He admitted to hitting the car but insisted that he hadn't done the damage that the car had. The man couldn't complete a field sobriety test and his demeanor ranged from laughing to aggressive. He stated,"Fuck it,I'm drunk. Take me to jail." When he was later tested his blood alcohol was .241,three times the legal limit,he also had cocaine in his system which he insisted the police had poisoned him with. He was charged with DUI and failure to submit to a DUI test. He has two prior DUI convictions and his license has been suspended since 1978. I'm betting this won't slow him down much since he doesn't need a license to ride the lawnmower.