Until the Fat Lady Sings

The title of today's post pretty much sums up what I know about opera though that didn't stop me from finding humor in some quotes about opera.
"I do not mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand."
Edward Appleton
"Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back,and instead of dying,he sings."
Robert Benchley
"Opera is a sham art. Large,plain,middle aged women galumph around posing as pretty young girls singing to portly,plain,middle aged men posing as handsome young heroes."
Woodrow Wyatt
"Going to the opera,like getting drunk,is a sin that carries its own punishment with it."
Hannah More
"Oh,how wonderful,really wonderful,opera would be if there were no singers!"
Gioacchino Rossini
"I like this opera crowd. I feel tough."
Jerry Seinfeld

Aye Matey

While searching for something totally unrelated I stumbled upon a site containing some origins of odd holidays,you know,like the ones I make a monthly planner out of at the beginning of each month? I was particularly impressed to find out that "Talk Like a Pirate Day" originated in Oregon. Two friends were playing a game of racquetball when for reasons they don't recall they started using pirate speak. This happened on June 6,1995 which is also D-Day so they chose September 19 to be "Talk Like a Pirate Day". For seven years the duo pretty much were the lone celebrants of the holiday until they reached out to humor columnist Dave Barry to share their tradition. Dave wrote a column about their holiday which  in turn made it into a cult holiday and the rest as they say,is history. 

Eat Your Veggies

Maybe vegans should step off their soapboxes for a bit and consider that through their decisions to not eat sentient beings they become competitors for the food supply of the very animals they set out to protect. It really isn't a healthy choice in the long run but they are welcome to choose however they want to eat and  should allow meat eaters the same consideration. A woman in Britain went so far as to have the word vegan tattooed on her face. Her reasoning was that she wouldn't have to say she was vegan every 5 minutes. I am guessing that is an extreme exaggeration as I can't imagine a reason she would be forced to explain her dietary choices every 5 minutes,it sounds more like a ploy for attention or praise for being vegan. Nice try.

Hey Mister!

Anyone who has ever been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans has heard the "Hey Mister" refrain and most likely used it themselves. Mardi Gras technically started in The Big Easy in 1723 but the Spanish banned the celebration until Louisiana became a state in 1812. But I digress,it seems like it would have occurred to city officials that all the beads and various throws that don't get hauled off by the parade goers would eventually find their way into the storm drains,however this year after the flooding in August they discovered 46 tons of beads in the catch basins along the parade routes. The clean up effort started in September and was only recently completed. Mardi Gras is February 13th this year,if you've never been put it on your bucket list!

Cartoons or??

The regular readers already know I've never claimed to be a fashion maven but seriously the latest on the runway in Paris seems more like it's either a joke that isn't very funny or something I would dream in one of my oh so vivid dreams. Quite frankly I feel a little sorry for the models even though they were probably well paid.

Torture chamber wear?

What the well dressed bat is wearing this season.

This one seems like they decided to cut up a NASCAR outfit then put it back together incorrectly.

The perfect look for a night visiting sick friends.

Just learning the buttons and straps.

Hardcore

At first glance this seems like something that would happen in Florida,but when you factor in the frigid surroundings and probably the tank too(but maybe not),it becomes evident that this stunt occurred elsewhere.  First the young man (20's) stole the tank from a privately run motor-sports agency just south of the Arctic circle and drove it into a nearby town where he rammed it into the wall of a convenience store. He then got out and inspected the damage,walked inside,stole a bottle of wine and left.  The man was later arrested for stealing the wine but nothing was mentioned about charges for either drunk driving or property damage. Maybe the law is different on those charges in Russia.

Place of Birth

This whole thing seems like a complicated math story problem,you know the kind where if a train with 36 passengers leaves the station at 10:23 how fast will it be going? First off most airlines don't want pregnant women flying after their 36th week which makes sense liability wise,and in the case of United Airlines the regulation prevents child abuse claims should the passenger be asked to leave the flight. None the less a 41 year old banker who splits her time between Britain and Nigeria was on a trans-Atlantic flight from Paris to New York when she went into labor. Fortunately there were two doctors on board and were able to deliver the baby without problems,but what on earth was that mother thinking when she got on that flight? Oh,and the place of birth in situations like this are decided by where the birth mother has citizenship.

Chick Obit

Today's post is incredibly sad not just because a chicken died but also because the first owners saw fit to have her spayed,then after putting her through an unnecessary surgery they decided they didn't want her and took her to a vet to be euthanized. Fortunately the vet convinced them to put her up for adoption instead. She then spent the next few years with a few other chickens and a loving family. I searched for a reason why anyone would spay a chicken and couldn't find one though neutering males is fairly common to make them grow faster and produce more meat.

Something's Fishy

I'm not sure what bothered me most about this case of petty theft,maybe that it was so well orchestrated  for such a minor amount? or it could have been the creepy factor of shoving bags of live fish down a person's pants? Maybe it isn't surprising if the thrill factor is considered or whatever it is that thieves get out of their acts. But I digress,a man in Florida and his accomplice went into a pet store and while one distracted the clerk with idle questions the other bagged up Electric Blue Acaras and  Blue Ram Cichlids and shoved them down his pants. The clerk got their license plate number and turned over security footage to the police who found and arrested the man,though the fish were not recovered.The fish were valued at between $18-$20 a piece.

Drunk Dialing

A Florida man (yes,Florida again) called 911 to request help with his wife who he claimed had turned into a black widow spider. When deputies arrived they found him highly intoxicated,slurring his words,reeking of alcohol and for the most part incoherent. They left him with a warning about calling 911 without having an emergency but 90 minutes later he called in again with the same complaint. The deputies returned and arrested the man who was released 8 hours later. Did I mention the man was also an author? He penned the 2009 book "The Alcoholic's Guide to Adventure",which was described on Amazon as "a lighthearted jaunt into the sublime world of drunken decadence".

Ye Olde Poop Knife

Here's something you don't hear about every day,or for that matter maybe not even in a lifetime. A man was at a friend's house when he felt the need to defecate. His family had always had really big bowel movements,so big that they had to be broken up before they could be flushed so when he had completed his task he started to look around for a poop knife to break up the log he had laid. After not finding anything that fit the bill he called out to his friend who had no idea what he was talking about. But wait it gets worse! When the man got home he started telling his wife what had happened and as he explained she got a horrified look on her face,it seems she didn't know about the poop knife either and had been using it as a utility knife. It could have been used as a cooking knife,proving once again,things can always get worse.

More on Thoughts

No coincidence that more on sounds just like moron,but actually this is more about those times when you mind is off leash and allowed to run free...sometimes there are moments of genius but there are no guarantees. With that said on with more shower thoughts.
Mine this morning was,"How can anyone know if they were asleep 5 seconds after their head hit the pillow?"
The more immature a show is the more likely it is intended for mature audiences.
Salt and Pepa are technically spice girls.
If a vampire bites a zombie, does the zombie turn into a vampire,or does the vampire turn into a zombie?
Military surplus stores make buy equipment you already paid for.
Is the "ea" in "pea" silent?
Books are actually tattooed trees.

More Fake Stuff!

Since the US managed to elect a fake president fake things seem to be exploding from every orifice. Today's fake involves a man in Montreal,Canada who decided to make a fake Delorean out of snow to see how police would react when the fake car blocked the snow removal crew. It was not the first fake car the man had ever sculpted though it was the first on a snow removal day and the life sized fake received a ticket from the not fake police. It was not mentioned if the ticket was also a fake.

Good Gravy!

Unless you live in a cave you've probably heard about the new trend in cocktails,"stocktails" which are made with both animal stock and bone broth. But wait! There's more! As you may have read on this very blog KFC has been expanding their marketing in some unexpected ways...KFC smartphones,streetwear and bath bombs,so it should come at no surprise that they welcomed the idea of their gravy being used to make stocktails. I can imagine a Bloody Mary made with gravy but the other concoctions just don't do it for me. A Southern Twist,for example,is Kentucky bourbon with gravy, brown sugar and parsley rubbed on the rim of the glass. UGH.

The Gravy Mary 

Ingredients:

• 50ml Vodka
• 20ml KFC gravy
• Spice mix: 20ml Worcester sauce, three drops Tabasco, three grinds white pepper, pinch of celery salt, pinch of paprika, half teaspoon horseradish cream
• 15ml Fresh lemon juice
• 90ml Tomato juice
• To garnish: celery, Popcorn Chicken

Method:

1. To create the spice mix pour Tabasco sauce, Worcester sauce, white pepper, celery salt, paprika and horseradish cream into a tall glass. Cover firmly and shake.
2. Add vodka to the spice mix and pour in the lemon juice, tomato juice and mix again.
3. Add in KFC gravy into the mix, stir all of the ingredients together and pour into a fresh highball glass.
4. Finish with celery and a small skewer of popcorn chicken.
5. The Finger Lickin’ Sour

   Ingredients:

   • 100ml KFC Gravy
   • 400ml Mezcal
   • 15ml Cherry liqueur
   • 25ml Fresh lemon juice
   • 10ml Orange marmalade
   • Pinch of salt
   • Pinch of pepper
   • One egg white
   • To garnish: thyme sprig

   Method:

   1. Pour the mezcal and the KFC gravy into a tall glass. Cover firmly and shake.
   2. Place the glass into the freezer and freeze for three hours.
   3. Once frozen, pour the gravy-infused mezcal through a strainer and clean cloth into a fresh glass.
   4. Squeeze the lemon into the glass, add the marmalade, salt, pepper and egg white then shake again.
   5. Pour the cocktail mixture into a Martini glass and sprinkle with thyme to finish

   
   

   The Southern Twist 

   Ingredients:

   • 50ml Kentucky Bourbon
   • 60ml Fresh hot KFC gravy
   • Two grinds black pepper
   • Two teaspoons granulated brown sugar
   • Four teaspoons dried parsley
   • To garnish: parsley and brown sugar rim

   Method:

   1. Chop the parsley and mix with the brown sugar in a bowl.
   2. Cut the lemon and coat the rim of the glass with it.
   3. Dip the rim of the glass into the chopped parsley and brown sugar mixture/
   4. Add ice cubes and Kentucky Bourbon to your rocks glass.
   5. Finally pour KFC gravy into the glass then give it a mix.

   
   

   
   
6.