No Raining on His Parade

Putin spent 1.32 million to insure good weather for the 70th anniversary of the end of World War II and his 15th anniversary as Russia's head of state. They use a chemical cocktail to seed the clouds causing the rain to fall before it hits Moscow and deny it is in any way harmful to the environment. It seems to me in a world where the economy isn't the healthiest that it is an incredible amount of money to spend just to guarantee pleasant weather for a parade,which for the record barely any world leaders are attending due to Russia's  actions in the Ukraine. The parade will also showcase their brand new Armata tanks and other military hardware. I guess parades aren't about happiness and fun things in Putin's Russia. 

Beer Bellies/Belly Beer

Earlier this month I did a post on a beer made from the bacteria of a model's vagina,and some time in the past I did a post about belly button lint...how are the two related you ask? It seems that those crafty beer crafters are making a beer out of yeast from belly button lint. The brewery collected belly button lint from several of their brewers until they found one with just the right character. They claim the unique yeast strain gave the brew a unique flavor with characteristics of Belgian beer. The Australia brewery got the  idea from an Oregon brewery that created a beer from the yeast found in beards. If the response at the upcoming festival is positive Belly Button Beer will become widely available.

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That Bites,or Does It?

Before I get started I want to make it clear that I don't wear dentures so I may be missing something meaningful about the denture commercial in question. The commercial I'm referring to is the one with the construction worker who loses his dentures at the bottom of a concrete pour. The first problem I have with that commercial is the how of the dentures coming out of his mouth. From my limited knowledge of dentures you either remove them with your hand or from a story a friend related by blowing (she nearly lost her denture blowing dirt off a plant from an eighth story window). The second thing in question is that he needs replacement dentures in a hurry because he is going to compete in a hot dog eating contest (which he wins). From the little I have seen of hot dog eating contests there is little or no chewing going on so other than for cosmetic reasons why was it an emergency for him to have his dentures replaced? All unimportant stuff but that is my point why do companies pay for commercials that are poor representations of real life situations,especially if they aren't doing it for humorous purposes? I guess I'm a stickler for details that don't really matter!

Defining Moments

I happened across a list of word definitions that I feel compelled to share.
Abdicate-To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade-To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly-Impotent. (seems more like it should be unwilly-nilly)
Negligent-A condition which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Balderdash-A rapidly receding hairline.
Lymph-To walk with a lisp.
Bozone-The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
Sarchasm-The gulf between a sarcastic quip and someone who doesn't get it.
Dopeler effect-The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

The Real Glass Slipper

I'm not sure what to think about the giant glass slipper church of Taiwan,and from what I've read it has drawn mixed emotions from both men and women. It isn't used for church services only for weddings or photo shoots,so technically it isn't really a church. It is 55 feet high and 36 feet wide and is made from tinted glass panels at a cost of $686,000. According to officials the church was built to honor the memory of a 24 year old girl who lost both of her legs to blackfoot disease. Both legs had to be amputated leading to the cancellation of her own wedding. She remained unmarried and spent the rest of her days in church.

Take That!

I love stories like today's post when the bad guys are thwarted.  The 76 year old grandma in a motorized wheelchair was not the easy pickings the purse snatcher had thought. She had contracted polio as a child so had learned a lot of upper body strength,was national arm wrestling champion,national disabled rifle shooter and even ran a sports club for the disabled,so when the would be thief jumped on the back of her wheelchair and reached for her purse (which was between her feet) the grandma punched her in the face before she manage to grab the purse and run. Not one to give up easily she shouted to two nearby men who pursued the woman until she dropped the purse,they then called the police to make sure the elderly woman was okay. She said she was not going to stop living and become a victim...I say good for her! My thought is that the trend of not fighting the bad guys has made life easier for them and more victims out of the rest of the population. It may not be worth your life to fight with criminals but your life might not be worth much once you become a victim. Does that make sense?

Event Parking

This weekend kicked off the season for this year's festivals. Most of the events are held at the fairgrounds which are about 5 miles out of town,but since there isn't adequate parking there they have several parking areas in town where a person can leave their car and ride a shuttle to the fairgrounds. It sounds logical so far but (you knew there was a but coming didn't you?) most of the festivals feature adult beverages and unlike bars where the server knows how much they have served a person, the festivals consist of booths so people wander through sampling the wares and with few exceptions end up blotto. When it comes time to leave the festival where do they go? back to their cars. This is where things can quickly go bad since alcohol impairs judgement most of the people are going to get off the shuttle and climb into their cars and drive to their destination. My question is why don't they have shuttles that stop at the motels that way taking the decision away from the impaired until the next morning? Never mind that if the police were so inclined watching the parking areas would be an excellent way to write DUI tickets,not that I'm saying that is done.

Pack Your Trunk!

Time for another installment in the weirdness of Florida diary. Police were called about a suspicious car at the beach after hours. When they responded they found a 1997 Lincoln Continental with all the doors open but the trunk closed where knocking could be heard. The deputy ordered the man out of the trunk but the 32 year old said he was locked in. The deputy then opened the trunk and let the man out. He explained he had went for a walk but couldn't find his keys when he got back so he opened the trunk to check for the keys and some how fell in and the lid closed on him. Apparently it wasn't the man's lucky day as he had also left the glove box open with his marijuana and pipe in plain sight. Do I need to add he was arrested for possession? Too bad for him he wasn't in one of the western states where marijuana has been legalized!

Is It Just Me?

Yesterday evening I was out on my front porch reading when someone came thundering up my stairs. I wasn't expecting anyone,the paper had already been delivered and nothing else was anticipated. It turned out to be the eldest of the new neighbor's kids,I would use his name but since I haven't been introduced to anyone in their family yet I don't know their names and the folks are both gone more than they are home so I haven't had a chance to introduce myself either. This boy (maybe around 16?) wants to know if it is okay to go upstairs and retrieve his drone which he crashed on my widows walk. Not knowing this kid from Adam (so not wanting him roaming around my inside house) I said I would go get it and for him to go around back. I get upstairs and open the door and the father and two other brothers are all standing there staring at my roof,I look around and don't see his drone then he presses one of the buttons on the controller and it buzzes that annoying mosquito sound but is nowhere to be seen. Then the dad says he thinks it is in my gutter and do I have a ladder they could use to get it out? Stop me here if I'm being a bitch but the kid crashes HIS DRONE on my house and I'm supposed to either get it for him or supply him with the tools he needs to get it? What was he doing flying the damn thing around my house anyway? End of rant.

Further Proof

Amazon started out as an online bookstore in 1994 but quickly became an online giant which today sells most anything a person could want. They even handle monk rental and apparently Buddhist organizers are not pleased,accusing Amazon of  commercializing religion...that may be true of Buddhist religion but for most other religions that ship has sailed. Of course it wasn't Amazon directly offering monks for rent but a provider from Japan,"Mr. Monk Delivery".  Communal ties to Buddhist temples are fading and it has become difficult to find monks to perform funerals and other rituals,this service offers a consumer friendly approach to going through a temple. The price is better too,for $300 you get transportation costs for the monk,the monk (of course) and a donation where going through a temple can cost from $830-$8,500 for pretty much the same thing.  It seems to me more like the middle man has been removed from the equation,but don't quote me on that.

Fast Food Future

For those of you who are keeping track chalk up another one for a non-Florida bit of weirdness. A man from four years in the future walked into an Oklahoma City Carl's Jr. wanting food,when he didn't get what he came for he went to a nearby Arby's where he pushed aside the manager,jumped the counter and grabbed some chicken and bacon (he must not have known it was a roast beef place). When the police arrived and arrested the 36 year old he explained he was from an apocalyptic future and that was how people fed themselves in the year 2020. Now for the confusing part! He said everyone was dead in 2020 and he had walked all the way back and was hungry.  So if everyone was dead in 2020 how did he know their feeding habits? Plus if he is 36 years old is that his age in 2016 or 2020? One last thing...how long of a walk was it?
  

Sanity Returning?

In the last few years I've been noticing a trend that I hope continues,what trend you ask? The one where people are acting like humans again,stepping up to the plate to stop bad guys in the act of the crimes they are in the process of committing instead of turning the other way and not wanting to get involved. We had an example at the local Fred Meyers when a 25 year old man grabbed a 72 year old woman's purse while she was loading her groceries. She gave chase and he tried to run her down once he was in his vehicle. Enter the good Samaritan who prevented the thief's escape by blocking his vehicle with his Lexus which the thief rammed twice before running away on foot. Yes he was captured and sentenced to 5 years. This type of scenario has become a worldwide trend as it should be but what caused people to wake up? Did they change a law or something? Actually I don't really care what caused the  change I'm just happy to see it happening.

Burn Baby Burn

Just when you think you've heard it all...how about a virtual cremation? From what it sounds like to me it is pretty much the reverse of a floatation tank,although the idea behind both is time for reflection. One more or less simulates the womb before birth and the other you final moments with your physical body. In the virtual cremation you lie down in a mock up of a cremation chamber where simulated flames pass over you,when you are through cooking you make your way through a small circular hole to experience rebirth and join you friends. As a person who is claustrophobic you can rest assured I will not be experiencing either of these while I'm still living,in fact that is one of the reasons I want to be cremated,the idea of a coffin makes death beyond my level of comfort!

Nature's Tattoos

A natural phenomena caused by being struck by lightning, Lichtenberg figures leave branch like designs on the skin that are quite striking (pardon the pun). I suppose I should add,don't try this at home as about 10% of the people struck by lightning die. The figures were first discovered in 1777 by a fellow named Lichtenberg (go figure) when he observed dust particles had arranged themselves in patterns after being hit with static.  The figures on humans are likely caused by the rupture of capillaries beneath the skin from the electrical discharge. They don't happen on all people and they are not permanent but kind of a cool side effect of getting zapped.

Sexual Appetites

Granted slugs are of little interest other than how to get rid of them,but they have some strange mating habits. First off they are hermaphrodites which always makes for interesting sexual behaviors since if nothing else is going on they can mate with themselves,but what makes Banana slugs in particular a cut above the weirdest is when two of them mate the one who performed the part of the male has his penis eaten off by the other slug,which further proves their voracious appetites as the penises are nearly as long as the entire slug. Once you have digested that information you might want to ponder why the University of California, Santa Cruz chose the Banana slug as their mascot!

User Friendly

I apologize for subjecting you to two days in a row of my personal rants but since I spent the morning (4 hours) online with a Microsoft tech I had little time for anything else. The problem you ask? I got a new laptop just short of a month ago and I've been trying to get my email linked from my desktop to the laptop. At first I assumed I was feeble  minded and that was stopping me from accomplishing the task,but after a month of trying I didn't really think I would ever get in done on my own. First I tried to approach it by setting up a new email account thinking I could access  my other account that way,nope,that didn't work. My ISP suggested I call Microsoft,I did and when I went through their menu they referred me to online help and hung up. Now here I am with still no email link on the laptop as I've yet to download the live mail to it,I just need a bit of a break before I go on with the task. I don't get it,when I downloaded Windows 10 to my desktop it was no big deal,but the laptop came with Windows 10 and everything I set out to do put me into the circles of hell as I call it,you know what I mean,when whatever you try takes you back to the first thing you tried? Maybe they should be called looptops?  User friendly my aching butt!

Armed

This is something I have been struggling with for a few years,what to do with my arms when I'm sleeping,or rather trying to sleep. It seems like whatever place I put them isn't comfortable or feels like they will go numb before I have a chance to get back to sleep. I sleep on my side and my arms want to naturally fold across my chest kind of like a Cleopatra type pose but that ceases to work about half way through the night. I made myself remember to look up what to do with my arms for optimum sleep positioning this morning but didn't find a single thing of use. Next I thought if I searched for pictures of arms when sleeping that would work,but NO! All the pictures that came up were of couples sleeping,but it did remind me I wanted to try using an extra pillow to lay my top arm on so it wasn't all bad. If anyone has suggestions I would be happy to hear them,otherwise end of rant for today!

One Potato,Two Potato...

Just when it seems like you've heard of every crazy diet fad another one comes down the pike. A 36 year old Australia man decided at the first of the year he would eat only potatoes and sweet potatoes. As of  yesterday he has lost 70 lbs and lowered his cholesterol and says he feels amazing and isn't bored with potatoes. Before he started his potato only diet he considered bananas or mangoes but chose potatoes because they were both cheaper and more nutritious.  He started the diet in an attempt to control his relationship with food (not sure how eating only potatoes helps with that plan) and he isn't doing it to promote anything. Whether he decides on boiled,baked or mashed he never uses oil to prepare them,only a splash of plant based milk and seasonings. I'm a big time potato lover but there is no way I would consider eating just potatoes for a year,or for that matter any plan that allowed only one food is out of my comfort zone!

Sap Happy

I was talking to a friend a couple of days ago and he mentioned his brother-in-law- to- be had just left for Alaska to harvest birch sap. I started giving him the 3rd degree wanting to know what it was used for,how it was harvested,did it kill the trees and many other questions to the extent I'm sure he wished he hadn't mentioned it,but as it turned out he didn't really know too much about it. Since I can't leave something like that alone until I've had my curiosity satisfied I jumped right on it. Apparently birch sap/water is the next big health fad replacing coconut water in popularity. It has been used in Russia,Eastern Europe,Scandinavia and Northern China for centuries and has many potential health and beauty benefits. Birch sap is also pretty much ready to use as it comes from the tree though most is pasteurized to prolong shelf life and is supposed to be earthy and slightly sweet tasting. I had been told he was paid $.35 a gallon and thought that wouldn't be worth a trip to Alaska but I think Tony had the price wrong as from what I found birch syrup goes for $27.99 a 4 oz container and $14.50 for 200 ml juice. The harvest season is incredibly short but a single tree can yield up to 4 gallons a day for several days much the same way maple sap is harvested with no harm to the tree.

Craziness

This is not the post I spend time researching earlier today but life got in the way of that one so it was moved to the back burner. Maybe it was the black cat that crossed the road in front of me this morning on my way home from the gym that caused the day to go awry? Before I get started with the odd happenings of this afternoon I need to explain that I have received two robo- calls from Walgreens in the last couple of days saying I had a prescription ready. I studiously ignored the calls as I use the Fred Meyer pharmacy. After I went for a walk I decided I had time to pickup my pills from Freddy's so I drove out and waited in line for my turn. When I was at the head of the line I gave my information and was told I didn't have anything there,nor had anything been called in. They said they would call the doctor to get an okay. I was a little panicky as I'm down to one pill and my blood pressure runs amok without the drugs,but I decided there was nothing more I could do. I was about to drive by Walgreens when I decided I would go tell them they were calling the wrong number,but wait! They had my prescription! From now on I guess it will be a mental test to see if I can find where they have sent my pills to. Did I mention when I finally got back on the road to head home traffic was gridlocked as they had chosen that time to open the draw bridge to check it for god only knows what they check it for periodically. I'm in for the remainder of the day!

Beer Lovers?

Today is one of the rare occasions where I find myself rendered nearly speechless. In the course of my daily quest for new and different things I found a start up company who is producing beer made from vaginal bacteria. Talk about taking craft brewing to a whole new level! I guess I should mention the bacteria in question came from a Czech model who the brewers found to be the epitome of a woman,personally I can't imagine a woman wanting to participate,but then again what do I know?  If the brew becomes popular they will need more models,but so far their version of gofundme has only raised 11 Euros out of the 150,000 needed to fund the project and that was after running for 6 days. Maybe there is hope for humanity,or maybe sanity after all.