Displaying the Jewels

Call me old fashioned but I can't see anything redeeming in this latest trend in fact even without dressing them up I don't enjoy seeing a dog's testicles,it's just not an attraction for me. So let's dress them up and make it nearly impossible not to notice them...that's a good idea,we'll use glitter! I'm not sure where this fad started but there are grooming salons offering this service. The good news is that the glitter is the edible type and it stays in place with an undercoat of corn syrup. I would imagine the dogs would tend to lick it off fairly quickly so I suppose a person would have to walk them around to show off the handiwork before it became a snack.

Free Lube Job

You know how companies often send free items related to the item you ordered? Nope,me neither! However this woman (not sure where she is located) ordered a ring online but before she received the ring they sent her a tube of vaginal lubricant. I'm not sure how that relates to a ring unless the ring got stuck on your finger then you could lube it off? If you still aren't inclined to see the humor then you might want to read the translation on the tube of lube which leaves little doubt about what it is for and how to use it just in case you weren't sure. I'm not convinced I would want to use mystery lube for that purpose,call me paranoid.

Holy Guacamole!

I found out something about Guinness World Records today that they should work on,they have to send someone to authenticate all claims. While that makes sense  in most cases things that are perishable should have an express option. That is why the 6 lb 11 oz avocado in Kona,Hi isn't the world biggest avocado. A doctor at the local Urgent Care looked into the record after a farmer brought in another box of the giant fruits which he brings several times a year. The current record is 5 lb 8 oz and was grown in Hilo,Hi. Just imagine all you could do with an avocado that huge!

Non Safety Wear

Fashion statement my aching butt! These cage trousers shouldn't even be called pants let alone clothing,they are holes surrounded by strips of fake leather. Of course it's none of anyone's business if you want to make public appearances without anything on but your underwear,but these also look like an accident waiting to happen. Is it just me or do they look like they would get hung up on each and every thing you walked past? Oh well,those of you who might like to expand your fashion horizons can purchase them for around $50...what a bargain considering all the materials used!

Too Much on Your Plate?

Though I feel that vanity plates are a waste of money I do enjoy trying to work out the more puzzling plates. The various agencies around the world involved with issuing plates have to screen requests to make sure offensive or inappropriate words aren't being used. Today's examples are from the UK which makes things tricky because the age identifier can make the numbers look like words. A few examples follow and no I didn't get all of them!

• BA68 TRD
• BL68 JOB
• SH68 GER
• OR68 ASM
• BO18CKS
• TA18BAN
• BU18SHT
• PU18BES
• BL18JOB
• TO18SER
• VA18NAS
• BA18BAG
• KN18BBS
• PU18SUK
• AT18 TTY
• AD18 OLF
• 18 OOB
• BB18 JOB
• BO18 CKS
• BR18 ERY
• CC18 BNP
• PU18 BES
• RO18 BER.

• 5 LAM
• OS55 AMA
• AD13 CTS
• EU16 OUT
• EU16 GON

• 
  

Going Postal

This occurrence has a Florida feel to it,other than the snow part that is, but if a person substituted sand for snow it really could have been Florida. A Kansas City,Missouri man heard what sounded like squealing tires outside his home which went on around 15 minutes. His dogs started barking at that time so he checked his security camera just it time to see a mail truck rolling down the street on fire then exploding into a ball of flames. Witnesses said the postal worker had been trying to get the rig unstuck and at one time kept the gas on for 10 minutes straight and they could tell he was getting mad about being stuck. Apparently the vehicle overheated and caught fire,the incident is under investigation. I do wonder why none of the witnesses stepped up to lend a hand.

Obsessive Much?

I don't know about everyone else but this one left me scratching my head. A woman in the UK is apparently either a germaphobe or has some other deep seated problem. From the sound of it she was concerned about discarding too much plastic because she was throwing away her toilet brush after every use,so she went online with what she thought was a solution...washing the offensively filthy brush in the dishwasher! Stop me if I'm wrong but doesn't that sound worse than just leaving the brush dirty? Never mind if she wanted to clean the brush wouldn't a bit of bleach do the trick? Personally I use my toilet brushes until they wear out and never give them a thought.

Vaccine Alternative?

Today's post has to be way up there on the list of bad ideas. A Los Angeles start up is selling used tissues for $80 a box. Their claim is that by using the tissues you can schedule your own illness at a time that works for you,plus the tissues are supposed to be a kind of replacement for vaccines. Of course they fail to address the fact that there is no vaccine for the common cold. An infectious disease specialist said the hazards of using the second hand tissues was much greater than any benefit and also pointed out that the chances of a virus remaining active until it was delivered to your home were slim. I'm going to say they should take their money making plan back to the drawing board for some serious revisions.

Attn Wiener Wannabees!

Oscar Meyer is hiring  wienermobile drivers which might be a fun job for the right person,touring the country in a sausage on wheels,what could go wrong? The first hurdle to cross doesn't make much sense to me which is a four year degree in public relations,journalism,communications,advertising or marketing. Your'e either a people person or your'e not and no amount of studying can bridge that gap. The condiments that come with the job are competitive salary,benefits,clothing and an unusual company car. Applications need to be in by the 31st and the job begins in June.

Not Nearly Virginal

Along with my regular disclaimer about knowing next to nothing about fashion with today's post in mind I also have to add that spending massive amounts of money on weddings has always seemed like a terrible way to start a life together,with that said let's move along to the naked wedding dress trend. The traditional white wedding dress was a symbol of purity but apparently that ruse is being put to rest. Today's brides are more concerned with standing out and being noticed on their special day,so they've taken a cue from  those who walk the red carpet and are now nearly baring it all for their friends and family. I'm not sure but I think I would be embarrassed to attend a wedding with the bride being nearly naked.

Cure You or Kill You

Just when a person thinks they've heard it all something comes along to prove them wrong. For example a 33 year old man in Ireland decided to repeatedly shoot his own semen into his veins to cure his lower back pain. It is never mentioned where he got the idea but he ended up in the hospital. He was treated with intravenous microbial therapy which eased the back pain though he refused to have his swollen arm drained. After a comprehensive review the doctors concluded this was the first case of intravenous semen injection and cautioned against it as any kind of therapy. Truly one for the record books.

Move Over Florida

It's beginning to look like perhaps Pennsylvania may be in line to bump Florida from the top spot in the weirdness category.  A retired hunting/fishing show host has a 3 year old 4 1/2 foot alligator named Wally who he refers to as an emotional support animal. He takes Wally around to schools and senior centers and insists he is just like a dog in that he enjoys having his head rubbed and being loved and petted. When they are at home Wally spends the bulk of his time in a 300 gallon pond in the living room where he enjoys watching TV,he also likes hiding in cupboards...what a surprise that must be to open a cupboard and discover Wally. I'm guessing he named him after the cartoon gator named Wally.
 

Say What?

Earlier today I was thinking that something was "neat as a pin" which set me off on an idiom quest. I wasn't really satisfied with the explanation of neat as a pin because the type of pin was never specified though I suppose it doesn't make a lot of difference. In the early 19th century the development of mass production guaranteed uniformly high quality and finish of consumer products. Formerly hand made and thus frequently irregular now pins were consistently well made and finished.

Day Job

Seriously,it is a job for only a day. On April 4th from 2:30 pm to 7 pm and the pay is zip,though it still should easily attract the 3 people needed by a  Pennsylvania police department as they want adults from age 25 to 40 to drink hard liquor until they are intoxicated. The object of the game is to train new officers on administering Standardized Field Sobriety Tests. Oh,and you should bring along a friend to give you a ride home. OSP did a similar exercise some years ago though they were studying how well a person could drive after each drink.