Occupations

Barbie dolls have been around since 1959 and have undergone vast changes from the original dolls. Some of these changes seem geared to inspiring the girls who played with them to seek work in fields other than the fashion model line of the first Barbies. Barbie has been an astronaut,a doctor,a teacher and various other occupations. The one that crossed the line from wholesome for me is the Tokidoki Barbie,not only does this rendition sport tattoos and pink hair (that really isn't too terrible) but the outfit she comes in suggests an aspiring hooker. Before I give it a rest for the day the name of her pet (dog?) is Bastardino which doesn't sound like an appropriate pet name for a kids toy. The doll was a limited edition (collectible)  but being a toy there is still a good chance that they were played with by children.

Scents Sense?

When I first heard that they had made man candles it didn't make sense as most men aren't big into burning candles,but out of curiosity I had to see what was being offered. Some of these sound like they would be an improvement on the terrible perfume scented candles that are overpowering and tend to make me cough,but other scents didn't seem like anything a person would want to smell other than from the original source. Bacon scent is one that is offered that I don't think would translate well to a candle,in fact I only enjoy the first few whiffs of bacon cooking then it isn't so enjoyable. The other offerings are "First Down","2x4","Riding Mower","Movie Night",and "Man Town". Apparently these actually sell fairly well,but since they bring them out around Father's Day my feeling is they are bought as gifts for men rather than by the men themselves. I would like to see candles scented like garlic,baking bread,leather and rain but since I don't shop for candles for all I know these scents may already be available.

Just Kidding!

Most people would agree that a sense of humor is one of the most important,if not the most important,traits a person can have. Keeping that thought in mind I will now relate my latest half-baked idea. Allow me to set the scene...you are working at home on your computer (I find that term vaguely amusing in itself,as it is my belief that it is quite a stretch to call what most people do on their home computers work!) this can even be verified by the computer which informs you that you are "working online". This statement always gives me hope that the programmer or maybe even the computer has a sense of humor. Okay,back to the "idea" before I totally get lost...what if when your computer gave you a dreaded error message it would only mean you had an actual error 50% of the time? The other 50% another message would come up telling you the error message was just a joke and you in fact had nothing to worry about? What can I say? It seemed like a good idea when I first thought of it! Oh,well...back to the drawing board.

Stilted

Not being a person noted for her fashion sense today's blog may be a surprise to some,but as usual it's about practicality,not fashion. I recently read an article that mentioned chopines and had no clue what a chopine was other than something that was worn. A chopine is a type of women's platform shoe from the 15th-17th centuries. They were first used to protect shoes and clothing from mud and wetness. As fashion would have it they soon evolved into status symbols with the higher the chopine the higher the status,literally allowing the wearer to tower above others. There was debate about how well the women could walk wearing the chopines and some thought they had to be accompanied by an attendant to maintain their balance,however I choose to believe that a person could get around in chopines more safely and easily than on high heels. As a child I could walk on stilts for hours and imagine it to be a similar endeavor,once a person learns how to manage them. In conclusion,either chopines or stilts would be a nearly ideal solution to keeping my feet dry in the rainy weather!

Money Talks

Yesterday's blog reminded me that I had made a note to myself to further check on a phrase that appeared on the 1787 penny. The coin was reportedly designed by Benjamin Franklin and was known as the Fugio cent. The front side had the image of a sun and sundial above the message "Mind Your Business",the reverse side featured a chain with 13 links representing the original colonies and was encircled with the motto "We Are One". I imagine Franklin meant mind your business in regards to one's finances,but who knows? he could have been referring to keeping out of other people's private lives.
The word penny has many variations across Europe,pfennig in Germany,penning in Sweden. It originally denoted any sort of coin or money not just the small amount we think of today when the word penny is used. Many countries are eliminating the one cent coins. In the U.S. it costs almost double (1.8 cents) the face value to mint the penny. Even though it would be easier in several ways to do away with the penny it would be sad to be without it.

3 Monkeys

In case anyone was wondering what the names of the three monkeys are,they are Mizaru (see no evil),Kikazaru (hear no evil) and Iwazaru (speak no evil). Now I suppose you're curious about why I brought up the monkeys? The short version is that their timeless wisdom of minding their own business would be best heeded by some of the stone throwing politicians. They always seem to jump in with both feet in their mouths whenever a fellow office holder is caught with their pants down. Does it ever occur to them that they are judging (to paraphrase) lest not they be judged?or how about another,let he who goes without sin cast the first stone? (again paraphrasing) I tried to not blog about his subject,but I get so angry as the story drags on that I decided it would be better to just do it and get over it. I am referring to the (Portland) Multnomah County Chair Jeff Cogen who recently confessed to having an affair with another county employee. Don't get me wrong,I don't condone his behavior,I just don't see what it has to do with his ability to do his job,unless of course laws were broken which has yet to be proved. The rest of the county commissioners say they don't trust him now...excuse me but trust and politician in the same sentence? This is not something new in the history of our nation,people of power being caught at unsavory activities,but as long as it's in their private life why should they be publicly drawn and quartered? Thomas Jefferson is said fathered several illegitimate children,J.F.K.,and Bill Clinton were also known adulterers,but did it make them less effective presidents?

Words From the Wise?

In case you are new to this blog and haven't noticed my fondness for malapropisms (aka Dogberryisms) I will remind everyone once again...these things crack me up! The balance of the ones I am including today come from Texas,which I am confident must rate near the top,if not at the top of this country as malapropism capital of the nation. So without further ado let us begin!
"Lemme give ya' a hypothetic" TX. Rep. Renal Rosson. "Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos." TX. Agricultural Commissioner Jim Hightower as are the following: "Oh good. Now he'll be bi-ignorant" (said when told that Governor Bill Clements had been studying Spanish) "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel,I want drillin' rights on that man's head" (discussing George Bush's policies) The following are all courtesy of Gib Lewis TX. House Speaker: "And now will y'all stand and be recognized?" (to a group of handicapped people in wheelchairs) "I am filled with humidity". "If it's dangerous to talk to yourself,it's probably even dicier to listen." "This is unparalyzed in the state's history." "I want to thank each and everyone of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session." "There's a lot of uncertainty that's not clear in my mind."
Kind of scary to think of these people running a state!

Time Flies

"Time flies like an arrow;fruit flies like a banana"-Groucho Marx. I have always enjoyed that quote and it is so true. I came across a banana museum which wasn't too odd as it seems like there is a museum for everything under the sun but what struck me as odd was it is located in Auburn,Washington where the chances of growing bananas is somewhere between slim and none. I never found an explanation why it is located in Auburn but they have quite a collection of banana related items. Have you ever heard of Anna Banana Soda? I hadn't,apparently it was less than popular. The same person that created artwork for Campbell's Soup Co. also did the Soda artwork. Another point of interest is the first country in the world to use self adhesive stamps was Tonga and in case you were asleep at the wheel,the stamps depicted bananas. The same group that wrote the song "Yes! We Have No Bananas" wrote another novelty song titled "Please No Squeeza da Banana" (I wonder if this is where the "Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" commercial came from?) To bring this blog around full circle I will include the Banana Band Sweet Music harmonica,that was supposedly featured in a Marx Brothers film.

Just When You Thought...

In the past I have posted blogs about tattooing,body piercing and unusual contact lenses,but today it gets down right creepy! Considering the practice of corneal tattooing has been around for about 2,000 years it seems odd that I have neither heard of it nor ever seen a person that has had it. Mostly the medical reasons for corneal tattoos were attempts to alter flaws in the eye and often to reduce glare in abnormally light eyes. Today, even though the long term effects are unknown and the procedure is irreversible,people are doing it as body art. Is it just me or would everyone else let a person poke needles and ink into their eyes? As far as I'm concerned there is plenty that can naturally or accidentally happen to your eyes without courting disaster.

Pieces

Today I want to throw a few things out there for everyone to ponder. First of all I can't help but wonder why the Nobel Peace Prize has three naked men on the back? (The front has a profile of Nobel) The artist (Gustav Vigeland) that created the medal does extensive work in nude sculpture and none of it looks particularly peaceful to me. I am thinking the idea on the Peace prize Medal having the men naked was meant to show trust for each other because they weren't carrying weapons? but let's face it,men don't need weapons to turn on each other and let the killing begin. The front of the medal has the inscription "Prix Prize Laureate",the reverse side reads: Pro pace it fraternitate gentium translated "For the peace and brotherhood of men". It is entirely possible,likely even,that I have become a bit of a cynic and am unable to enjoy the spirit of the message.
On the lighter side of things,on the News @Noon they were talking about the Pope's upcoming visit to Brazil,but instead of showing the picture of the Pope they showed a still of a man with no shirt standing by a 260 lb. tuna that capsized his boat...If you think I didn't laugh over than,think again!

Outside of the Lines

Today's blog probably should have been included with yesterday's,but it had been on the back burner so long I forgot about it. Emerson Moser was colorblind which is fairly common in males,what wasn't common about Moser was that he managed to retire after 37 years on the job as senior crayon maker for Crayola. In his years there he made around 1.4 billion crayons before he told them he was colorblind. Other names you might recognize who were also colorblind include,Paul Newman,Mr.(Fred) Rogers,Renoir,and Vincent van Gogh. About 99% of the 10 million American males who suffer colorblindness have trouble distinguishing reds and greens. They don't see them reversed,red for green or green for red but see them as similar colors. True colorblindness,the inability to see colors other than black,gray or white is called monochromacy and is very rare. There are computer programs that simulate colorblind vision and "color correct" an image to make it easier for the colorblind to see.

Slightly Impaired

I came across a partial list of famous people with speech disabilities and was impressed by how much these people had to fight to overcome their afflictions. I thought it might be uplifting for anyone struggling through their own battles to see a few of these names and to realize that with determination many things can be achieved. This is only a small list of the more recognizable names: Bruce Willis,Tiger Woods,Julia Roberts,Bill Walton,Jimmy Stewart,Bill Withers,Samuel L. Jackson,Winston Churchill,Aristotle,Charles Darwin,Sir Isaac Newton,Theodore Roosevelt,Washington Irving,Thomas Jefferson,Lewis Carroll and Marilyn Monroe. Kind of makes a person wonder if these people became famous because of having obstacles to overcome?

Muddied Water

Have you ever wondered how the phrase 'your name is mud' came about? A popular theory is it was taken from Dr. Samuel Mudd who may or may not have played a part in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. He was sentenced to prison for being Booth's conspirator. He had met Booth prior to the shooting and gave Booth medical treatment for the leg he broke escaping the theater after the shooting. He was later pardoned and released. The phrase was in use long before that though. As early as the 16th century mud was used to refer to things worthless or polluting,and later expanded its meaning to include people. Mud is also featured in other phrases and in some is meant in a good way. Some common mud phrase are,'dragged through the mud','mud in your eye'(I'll have to look at this one more closely!),'as clear as mud' and as recently as 2010 BP tried to cap the Gulf of Mexico oil spill by applying the old adage 'mud sticks'. But hey! who am I to sling mud?

Let It Fly!

I recently ran out of books on my Kindle so I downloaded the first available book from the library website. The book was "Did Somebody Step on a Duck?" by Jim Dawson subtitled A Natural History of the Fart. The book was listed as humor and that was good enough for me,the amazing thing I found in reading it was the amount of research the author had done,not to mention the variety of material available for him to research,from laws to art and even a CD devoted to the subject ("Songs For Fart Lovers"). As often happens I even picked up a phrase that was new to me,"sparrow fart". There are varied meaning of the phrase a couple of them are to get up at sparrow fart or crack (getting up early) also common is something small and inconsequential (a sparrow fart in a windstorm) but the most surprising of all for me was an issue of New Zealand Post stamps that had sparrow fart and several other Kiwi expressions on half the stamp,on the black half of the stamp the definitions were revealed when the area was rubbed. How fun is that? Too bad we don't have any stamps we can play with here in the US,or is that something I have missed?
Today's blog is further proof that I really will read anything!

Liars Need Not Apply

The first part of this blog doesn't really stand on its own without the back story,so hang in there. Earlier in the week I was loading groceries into my rig and a man rides up on a bicycle and says he needs to get the bus to Seaside. At first I wasn't certain why he was telling me this and gestured to the nearby bus shelter,he then asked if I could give him a dollar for the bus. In my defense I am generous with charities and have been known to help people even if there wasn't a tax break in it for me,but the back story will explain my reaction when we get to that point. The man had my attention now and I noticed that he seemed shaky and was sweating when it was still early in the day and cool,with that thought in mind next I wondered why he would need the bus to Seaside? If he was broke why wouldn't he just ride the bike,it is only around 12 miles from where we stood. From that I deduced he was being less than honest with me about why he wanted the money,which prompted me in return to be less than honest with him and say I didn't have a dollar.
Okay,here is the promised back story! In the mid 1970's I was working as a cable splicer in downtown Portland. I was being taught by Jack,a man beyond retirement age that would only work with people of his choosing,on jobs equally of his choosing. Jack was the kind of person that you couldn't be around without learning something from him, as he had a lot of knowledge to share and shared it with great humor. One of the tricks he used to pull on his wife when he told her goodbye in the morning was to whisper a line from a nursery rhyme so she would think of him throughout the day,of course by the time he returned home in the evening she was so mad at him for planting that line in her head it is a wonder she didn't poison his dinner. Jack was always adamant about not giving money to the street people that were abundant in the areas we worked in,he said if you gave one of them money the word got around and they would all follow you around asking for money. So you can imagine my surprise when one day as we were walking to a spot to have lunch a man approached him and asked for money for a bottle of booze,then explained that he had jumped off the Burnside Bridge the night before and now everyone wanted him to do it again and he needed to get drunk in order to be able to jump. Jack pulled out his wallet and gave the man  $5. I was standing there with my mouth open wondering what just happened when Jack explained that the man had told him what he really wanted the money for instead of the usual line about a cup of coffee or a sandwich. The moral of the story is,honesty really is the best policy!

Normal

It is so nice to be back to normal,of course the word normal doesn't really mean much because normal is different for everyone. Normal to me is to being able to finally return to my blogging routine and not be spending every spare second trying to fix a problems so vague it was hard to know what to try. Then there is the problem of running out of things to try so you start repeating earlier attempts which is the definition of insanity (trying the same thing over and expecting different results) but hey! I never claimed to be sane! There is probably more than one reader who started wondering if I had thrown up my hands and quit,but those of you who know me understand that quit is not part of my character,though I usually have the sense to recognize a no win situation in time to pull back without major damage. A friend has often pointed out how having a computer is a lot like having a dysfunctional relationship and that seems to be a fairly accurate take on the love hate thing most of us have going with our computers. It is good to have my brain engaged again in something I enjoy doing rather than battling a computer error with no explanation of its origin. It looks as though I have taken up enough of your time today bemoaning my recent dilemma so I give my word I will relate a recent amusing story for your reading pleasure tomorrow.

I'M BAAACK!!! Finally

Punk is just another four letter word with a sorted past. Today the primary meaning is basically anti-establishment,but go back to the 1600s and the meaning was 'female prostitute" it was even used by Shakespeare in that context. By the 20th century the meaning had changed to the unwilling partner in a prison rape (makes a person wonder where the idea for getting punked came from!) The next usage is the one I grew up with where a punk was a criminal apprentice and was later made famous by Clint Eastwood to mean a variety of unsavory characters. In the 1970s a music critic used punk to describe a new type of music,which given a little thought can relate back to the rape definition if you feel as though your ears have been assaulted,or to the earlier still definition of prostitution,or if you prefer something more innocuous think of punk as a stick used to light fireworks!
I have no idea if I will be able to get more blogs out in the manner I did today as I kind of snuck up on it this time. I would love to know if I am the only one who is having problems. I have tried contacting Google but they don't have any help contacts for blog accounts unless you are a paying customer...of course how would they know if I was CEO of a giant firm that was one of their very best customers? and I just wrote this blog for my private amusement? Then again it could all go back to me dissing airport security and various other government agencies...I told you I wasn't paranoid,they really are out to get me!
 

Sorry,No Post Again Today. Computer Problem

Punks Through Time

Bird Brain

It was not completely new information to me when I found out that the Bird of Paradise was indeed a bird and not just a flower. I vaguely recall seeing one in a zoo?or it could have been Australia,but it had been pushed behind the more common images of the Bird of Paradise flower. The flower was actually named after the birds. There are more than three dozen species in the family and most are distinguished by striking colors and bright plumage. They are found in New Guinea and surrounding islands,it is also featured on the flag of Papua New Guinea which is how I was reminded that there was a Bird of Paradise that wasn't a flower.

Serious Comedian

I don't know about the rest of you but I was unaware that Roseanne Barr ran as a third party candidate in the presidential election. She also plans to continue running until she is either elected or dead (okay,I made up the dead part,she didn't say that!). I don't agree with all her ideas but she has some really valid points,and for the bonus imagine listening to her give a state of the union address! It seems to me that we have had many presidents that acted like comedians once they were elected (not to name names,but the Bush family comes to mind) in fact Nixon even made an appearance on the comedy show "Laugh In" while he was in office. So following that logic if a comedian was elected maybe that would cause them to become serious? Barr thinks her history in comedy works in her favor. "In order to be able to write a good joke,you have to find the truth". She referred to the battle between Republicans and Demorcrats as a choice between "Satan and Satan". When asked if she would accept donations from companies or political action committees,she says,"Special interests don't want no part of me-they know I can't be bought. Their god is money and they are devout." Too bad they don't allow third party candidates in on the presidential debates,Barr would certainly boost the ratings!

Cat's Meow

This is a scary story in more ways than one. According to what I found the Superior Crown Court in Boston,USA ruled that a cat named Sal was to report for jury duty. My first question was how did a cat end up on a list of potential jurors? Sal's owners had listed him under pets on the last census and when his jury summons arrived they assumed a mistake had been made. Despite a letter from the vet stating Sal was a domestic short-haired neutered feline,plus the fact Sal was unable to speak or understand English as explained by owner,the court insisted he was not exempt. The court responded that jurors are not expected to have a perfect command of the English lauguage,and he was not disqualified by the 10 other statutory disqualifications. Though Sal enjoys sitting on laps and watching crime shows on TV the owners still felt he was under qualified.

Bombs Away!

When I read about the Bombardier beetle I thought it would be a perfect topic for the 4th of July post. Unfortunately what I read (that they were like a real life firing breathing dragon) and what they are really capable of were two different things. I decided to use it anyway in honor of the celebratory explosions to occur later today.
The Bombardier is equipped with a defense mechanism that allows them to eject a hot (around boiling) noxious chemical spray,complete with a popping sound. The chemicals (hydroquinone and hydrogen peroxide) are stored in separate reservoirs and mixed in a third chamber with water and enzymes. Attacking insects and small creatures can be fatally wounded,it is also painful to human skin. There are more than 500 species of this beetle and they inhabit all continents,except Antarctic. Those of you readers in the USA can think of this critter while watching the fireworks this evening!
Happy 4th!

Diversions

Whether by genetic design or spontaneous mutation,I have always had a smart mouth and tend to crack wise when keeping my mouth shut would be the better plan. Today I was ready to exercise the wise crack feature but at the last minute reined myself in with the thought that,1. This might not be the person I think it is,and 2. Even if it is the right person what if he finds what I say less than humorous and I end up detained? Several years back neither of these possible scenarios would have given me pause,but today is the day before a National holiday so I might end up detained longer than I could tolerate and who would I tell anyone to call for me?? The friends that are still walking this earth may not be in any condition themselves to vouch for my sanity or appear 100% sane by some standards,so would they even be willing to take the risk to help bail me out of a situation my mouth has gotten me into? This is just another indication that this growing old business is NOT for sissies.

Fact or Fiction?

Today's offering is something I thought was neat! Most kids are told myths as they are growing up either to alter an undesirable behavior or maybe the adult quoting the myth didn't know they were incorrect. One that I heard thousands of times when people popped their knuckles was they would pay for that when they got older. That myth was the subject of multiple studies and no link was found to arthritis,however it may reduce your grip strength. Next is the one about fish (goldfish in particular) having extremely short memories (I think I heard 3 seconds),in truth not only can fish be trained,they can retain what they learn up to 5 months. Then there was the one about swallowing chewing gum and that it would never leave your body. In reality it won't be with you for more than a week. Nails and hair continue to grow after death,false again,they decay just like the rest of the body,but the skin recedes making them appear to be longer. In cold weather you will lose 40-45% of your body heat through your head if you aren't wearing a hat,the fact is the percentage of heat lost is only about 10%. The good old 5 second rule (10 seconds in some homes) for food dropped on the floor still being safe to eat,nope once it hits the floor consider it history. I saved my favorite myth for last...a duck's quack doesn't echo,it actually does but not very well,since they aren't found in echoy areas.

Over Half-way...Already

I am having a bit of a problem digesting the fact that the year is half over,it just doesn't seem possible. The only way I can be sure is repeatedly checking the computer...it NEVER lies!
July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month,let's hope everyone observes it.
7/1 Zip Code Day
7/2 World UFO Day
7/3 Compliment Your Mirror Day
7/4 Indivisible Day (or for the spelling impaired Invisible Day)
7/5 International Chicken Wing Day
7/6 International Cherry Pit Spitting Day (That's a mouthful!)
7/7 Tell The Truth Day
7/8 International Town Criers Day
7/9 Ramadan
7/10 Pina Colada Day
7/11 Cheer Up The Lonely Day
7/12 Simplicity Day
7/13 Gruntled Workers Day (Take that you disgruntled workers!)
7/14 International Nude Day
7/15 Be A Dork Day
7/16 Make Up Your Own Day
7/17 Yellow Pig Day
7/18 Get to Know Your Customers Day
7/19 Flitch Day
7/20 National Hot Dog Day
7/21 National Ice Cream Day
7/22 Rat-catchers Day
7/23 Hot Enough For Ya Day (What nerds say in hell)
7/24 National Tequila Day
7/25 Carousel Day
7/26 National Talk in an Elevator Day
7/27 Barbie-in-a-blender Day
7/28 Aunties Day
7/29 Lasagna Day
7/30 Cheesecake Day
7/31 Uncommon Instruments Day (Do you have one?)