A Good Time To...

With the world in lock down people are doing what they can to keep things normal with some successes and some failures. A 35 year old UK woman decided it would be a good time to work on her fake tan so she applied two coat of the liquid tan before bedtime. She was thankful the next morning that she was sheltering in place as the tanning cream had turned her green. At first she was stymied then she looked at the container and noticed it was out of date and realized she had grabbed an old bottle off the shelf. Oh well,it could have been worse,she could have turned orange! Oops I really didn't mean to get a dig in today,shame on me NOT.

A Busch in Hand

If your'e in the market for a shelter dog and would enjoy $100 or 3 months worth free Busch beer then it's your lucky day! Busch beer is teaming with Midwest Animal Rescue with the beer offer to the first 500 people to adopt or foster a dog,the promotion is good through April 25th or until 500 people respond. The Corona virus has forced shelters to close and cancel money raising events so Busch stepped up with the "Foster a Dog,Get Busch offer. They figure everyone can use a quarantine companion to keep them company. Way to go Busch!

Cabin Fever?

The shelter in place order is hitting some people harder than others since many are accustomed to a lot of social activities and gadding about in general. Then there is the social distancing when you are out in any acceptable capacity which further drives the point home. At any rate I found a Jimmy Fallon #I knew I had cabin fever when and thought others might be able to relate.
I knew I had cabin fever when: I started naming the cushions on the sofa with different days of the week so I don't wear out just one.
I knew I had cabin fever when: I started a bar crawl by putting beers in every room of the house.
I knew I had cabin fever when: My daughter started making hats for the cats.
I knew I had cabin fever when: I started shooting at flies on dog poop with a BB gun from the kitchen window.
I knew I had cabin fever when: I made a new daily schedule.

Creative Writing?

A brilliant campaign in the UK to keep people inside put up by some unknown student(s) revealed spoilers for Netflix shows to make those who were binge watching those shows  continue the binge rather than go to the bus stop or town square. They were made to look like real Netflix advertising but the company set the record straight when contacted saying that they had nothing to do with the ads and they were part of a student project. I would like to know what kind of class they were for though any way you look at it they were very creative. At least someone is putting the quarantine to good use!

Bum Deal

While most people are concerned with both not contracting or spreading this damn virus there are always a few out there with more self centered concerns. A 33 year old UK woman who has had 20 plastic surgeries since she was a teenager is in a snit because she "needs" to have another surgery to correct her bum surgery that went wrong. First she went to Turkey for butt implants and went for a larger size than recommended so after about a years time the fat injected around the implants has dissipated leaving her with a case of saggy butt and apparently the only place she can get it corrected is Columbia in South America and she can't get there with the travel ban,gosh,I feel badly for her...NOT. After she gets her bum bum fixed she wants to have vaginoplasty as she wants to have a Barbie vagina...wait a minute,it's been a long time since I've seen a Barbie doll but if memory serves me Barbie didn't have a vagina!
 

Before the butt job

Auto Pilot Fail

This shelter at home business is apparently bothering me more than I thought. I knew I was getting confused about what day it is because not doing my regular things makes it harder to keep track but other than that there didn't seem to be a lot of difference,that is until this afternoon. I left to go for my walk and was going to stop into the liquor store for "supplies" on my way back. I go up to the counter to pay and notice the zippered pouch on the front of my purse is open and my driver's license,credit card and bank card which I usually place in the pouch aren't there. PANIC! I immediately retraced my route but no purple packet containing my cards was to be found. I came back home hoping the whole way that I simply hadn't put the packet in the pouch and thank god I hadn't. The moral of the story is it's better to have a full on senior moment than to actually lose your ID,especially at a time when this quarantine has shut down many businesses. Hopefully I've learned my lesson!

RIP Rip

When it came time to build a new courthouse in Eastland,TX the first step was to remove the time capsule from the 31 year old courthouse.When the time the capsule was put into the cornerstone a 4 year old boy had included a horned lizard/toad as he wanted to test his dad's story that the toads could hibernate for 100 years. The boy was grown up and  at the opening of the capsule and the toad was still in it but appeared dead at first but when the dust settled he was alive. He was named Rip after Rip Van Winkle and started touring the country with the man who had entombed him. Rip made it all the way to DC and met with president Coolidge,but less than a year after his resurrection he died of pneumonia. He was embalmed and kept in an enclosed coffin that can still be seen in the present Eastland courthouse. 

Chillin

After a couple of people pointed out that they nearly didn't read the March 20th post about the elephants getting drunk because they thought they were dead in the picture,I thought I should start today's post by saying that the puppy turned out to be fine despite the photo. Gody the 2 month old Corgi pup scared his owner when she walked in and found him covered in red,but upon closer examination she realized the fruit loving pup had gorged on a dragon fruit then fallen asleep in his favorite position. So once again no animals were injured in today's post!

For Better or Worse

A New York couple had scheduled their wedding for October but they were concerned about the Corona Virus and decided to move the date up. They went in last Thursday to get a wedding license and their intention was to return on Friday for the ceremony. Their plan went out the window when the mayor ordered the department closed indefinitely due to the pandemic. Once the bad news spread among their friends one of them informed them of another friend who is licensed to perform marriages,so after he agreed they were married outside his fourth floor apartment as he leaned out his window and shouted the vows/instructions to the couple below. Proving the Rolling Stones lyrics,"you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need."

New Normal?

I made my weekly grocery run this morning and it seems like things are getting somewhat back to normal there were items like bread and did I mention the holy grail of the Corona Virus? Yes,that's right the toilet paper aisle was stocked! Mainly with one brand but still progress,and I only saw one person with two big packs in his cart. Also note worthy is the Pot Shops are all open and doing a brisk business. So what's the take away on this whole business? Food,drugs(pharmacy),booze and pot and all considered necessary items by the state. The next question is what will the repercussions be? After the Tylenol poisoning everything became tamper proof,so what preventative measures will be put in place as a result of this pandemic? Time will tell.

Spa Shame

A woman and her boyfriend decided to relax at a spa in Germany,so far so good. They were told that to use the sauna they had to be naked as no swimsuits were allowed,they went to separate areas to undress and as she came out she grabbed a small towel and walked through the door,only it was the wrong door and left her on an outside fire escape. She started pounding on the door in hope of getting someone to open it but all she did was draw attention to her naked self. She went down another story and tried that door with no luck the next story down the door opened to a maintenance room which she wandered through until she came to a freight elevator. Unable to read the writing she started mashing buttons at random,about that time she notices a security camera and a mans voice says something in German and the elevator starts. When the door opens a man is standing there and she is trying to decide what to try to cover with the small towel,he leads her to a sign in area where the receptionist gives her a lobster pool float to hide her nakedness,then wants her to produce ID in order to get back in. When she finally gets back to her boyfriend he doesn't even ask if she is okay,even though she is crying because he's mad that she is late.
I thought his might help anyone who thinks they're having a bad day! Most everyone has had a naked dream but few people have ever lived this nightmare.

The Pillaging Begins

A herd of 14 opportunistic elephants in search of food found more than they bargained for when they came upon a farm in isolation because of the virus. The elephants imbibed in around 8 gallons of corn wine causing 2 of the males to pass out in the tea garden and most likely the entire herd was not to lively the next day. I've heard of animals getting drunk from fermented fruits but didn't realize they would suck it right up as a finished liquor.

Simple Math

I've never claimed to be a math person but as with most people I know enough for everyday use and now is the time for those of you who are hoarding toilet paper to brush off your math skills and put them to work. An American man was fed up with the panic buying so he had his daughter film him as he did the math. It was this simple...if you buy 1 30 roll Costco bale of TP each roll has 425 sheets equaling a total of 12,750 sheets,if a person uses 20 sheets per bowel movement that covers 637.5 bowel movements or 45.5 shits per day so if a hoarder buys 4 bales for a family of 4 in quarantine for 14 days they would need to shit 182 times per day. So stop hoarding the toilet paper already! Maybe it's just me but I find this way more entertaining than I probably should.

Where Is Moderation?

Wellness beers kind of seems like a contradiction but they're a real thing and there is a market for them. Mainly though they are made for the folks who participate in athletic events and like to enjoy a beer after the event and they do contain less alcohol and like other sports drinks they have electrolytes. Still the debate rages and as usual it comes back to moderation. Beer is good for you,just like Guinness claims as it has antioxidants,B vitamins and can prevent osteoporosis,PETA even advertised that beer is better for you than milk. So back to the moderation thing...the answer depends on who you ask and varies accordingly,so I say what the hell? Kick back and enjoy a brew!



“The difference lies mostly in the dose. Moderate drinking seems to be good for the heart and circulatory system, and probably protects against type 2 diabetes and gallstones. Heavy drinking is a major cause of preventable death in most countries.”

It's a Sham

I have nothing against St. Patrick's Day however as holidays go there is little to nothing accurate about the history of the Saint or things associated with the date. St. Patrick wasn't born in Ireland he was kidnapped from Britain by pirates and taken to Ireland where he worked as a shepherd until he escaped and went back home where he vowed to return and bring Christianity to the pagans. He didn't rid the island of snakes as there haven't been any snakes in 10,000 years,and last the color green is most likely a reflection on the Emerald Isle itself rather than the saint as in that time period  green was not a common color for clothing,he probably wore blue.

Questions

I suppose everyone is tired of hearing about the damn virus and I am too though I have some questions. Are some or maybe all of the suggestions somewhat arbitrary? Like the 6 foot buffer between people (though I like that idea) is a person doomed if the distance falls to 5 feet 11 inches? Same with the no groups larger than 250,but 249 is fine because only groups of 250 or more will contain an infected person? I also wonder why they aren't including the
incubation period which for those of you who may be wondering is 1-14 days,also an odd spread,but hey,I don't have a medical degree so what do I know? Now for the real message of the day,try to not let stress get the better of you as it lowers your resistance plus if you allow yourself to turn it on someone else that is your bad because you don't know their situation and maybe they really do have a need for whatever it is they are over buying,whether that need is mental or physical. Though one wonders about this UK man who was stocking up on Irn Bru soft drink.

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Something Simple

After my weekly shopping trip this morning turned nightmarish I need to fall back on something that doesn't require a lot of thought on my part. Though many of the shelves were bare I got everything on my list which as usual is mainly fresh stuff,other than cabbage and I didn't want a head of cabbage the size of a basketball. Not only were there way more early morning shoppers than usual the aisles were partially blocked by pallets of freight waiting to be broke down and shelved,and at least a dozen personal shoppers filling orders for people so they wouldn't have to mingle with the possibly contaminated masses. Without further ado I present signs made by librarians,those oh so clever folks.