Man Toys

Some of you long time readers may remember a post I did where I wondered why a riding vacuum cleaner hadn't been invented,and supposed that since it was mainly a woman's job (otherwise it would rarely be done) that men hadn't given it much thought. While they still ignore any need for a riding vacuum,Honda has come out with a riding lawnmower that does 130 mph. Dubbed the Mean Mower,it can't actually cut grass at that speed,it has to slow down to 15 mph,which is still considerably faster than a normal mower. It can only be found in Honda's UK operation at this time,so if you think you need a Mean Mower don't expect to find one locally. Not only do I wonder why they have produced a mower that can do 130 mph,I also wonder if they are required to equip it with seat belts and or airbags? Somehow I think that would take the thrill away.

Medals of Honor

Or maybe a more appropriate title would be Medal Awarded for Service in Battle? or even Purple Heart? The medal in question is the Medal for Long Marital Life and is awarded in Poland. The medal was established in 1960 and is awarded to couples in recognition of 50 or more years of marriage. They have a ceremony where the couples are presented with the medals,flowers and certificates. It seemed like a unique honor in the current times of soaring divorce rates, to reward people who stayed together and lived long enough to tell about it.

Chew On This

I'm not sure where I heard or read about the claim that airline food was bland as a result of dry cabin conditions and high altitude,but I thought it didn't make sense. A person cat eat under those same conditions on the ground without sacrificing flavor so why would it be different in flight? For those of you who were flying in the 70s you may recall that in flight food at that time was good,in fact sometimes the placemat on the tray was also a recipe for the entree. I have nothing but speculation to offer as to why the food quality has steadily declined over the years,but my guess is in their attempts to channel the profits directly to the CEOs the passenger/customer is once again cheated out of quality in the process. An interesting aside on airline foods is when the choice is made to pay for an airline meal/drink the price can be 2,600% more than supermarket prices. I don't know about the rest of you,but that seems like a really big markup for a small amount of handling.

Real Life Dr. Doolittle

In India there are problems with wild elephants making their way into cities as the two habitats collide (a lot like the deer problem here). There is help in the form of a 14 year old girl known for her Elephant Whispering. She explains how first she prays,then talks to the herd telling them this is not their home. She then walks with the elephants back into the forest. The girl first discovered her talent after her mother was killed by wild elephants. India is home to 60% of Asia's wild elephants. I wonder if this teen could have a word with our "Packy" at the Portland Zoo and find a way to restore his health? For those of you not located in Oregon or unfamiliar with "Packy",he was the first elephant born in the Portland Zoo,he is now 51 and being treated for TB but his liver is not tolerating the treatment,so his future is unknown at this time.

Feel Smart Again

Today's post should make everyone feel smart,no matter what recent bouts of stupidity you may have suffered,unless of course you happen to be the young man in this story. A 19 year old man walked into a Texas police department asking for help removing a handcuff. He told the officers his roommate had been playing around and shut one around his wrist and he need help because he had lost the key. So far so good,right? As it turns out he had an active warrant for criminal mischief from a month previous. It seems he had ran into a car that had stopped 10 yards away from him headfirst cracking their windshield (maybe that explains a lot?) but that isn't the end of the story...he also had marijuana in his front pocket! He may spend up to six months in jail plus fines. Apparently it never occurred to him to go to a locksmith.

A Riddle?

For reasons unknown I found myself reciting "Humpty Dumpty" as I went about my morning,which in turn made me curious about any historical connections. The first known publications of "Humpty Dumpty" did not use the term humpty dumpty,the term was first used in the 17th century and referred to brandy boiled with ale. In the 1700's it was used to describe a short,clumsy person,it was also used as a term for someone who had too much to drink. In the riddle it has none of these meanings and the question posed was "what is something that if rolled off a wall could not be mended by any number of people...the answer is an egg",which explains Humpty's egg like appearance.
A couple of possible theories to the origin of the rhyme are 1. during the English Civil War a man was stationed on the walls with a cannon nicknamed "Humpty Dumpty". The cannon eventually fell from the wall and no amount of men were able to lift it back into place. 2. Humpty Dumpty may have represented King Richard III,called the humpbacked king. The king fell from his horse in battle and was hacked to pieces,never to be mended again. If today's post served no other purpose,at least it freed me of the rhyme!

Marriages?

There is a lot more controversy over same sex marriages than the subject warrants. It isn't like they aren't the same species,and why should anyone else care if two "people" love each other? That brings me to today's topic,anyone heard of objectophilia? I think most people are guilty of declaring their love for a "thing" on occasion without actually meaning it in the sense of wanting a relationship with the item,but there are actually people that are in love with objects,even going as far as to marry the object,complete with a name change. A Swedish woman was devastated when her husband was beat to death in Berlin...her husband was the Berlin Wall. A German woman's beloved was executed in New York,the Twin Towers. A San Francisco woman married the Eiffel Tower,changing her name to La Tour Eiffel. In case you are thinking this is a strictly female inclination...a man fell for his first object when he was only 12 years old,a Hammond organ,but today is in a steady relationship with a steam locomotive. In conclusion,those of you who are against gay marriage may find more compassion for those people knowing that it's not that abnormal after all!

Tax Time

Taxes are on the minds of many this time of year. I thought as a service to my fellow tax payers I would share with you one of the ways your tax dollar is spent. An internal audit by the EPA discovered a warehouse maintained by contractors for the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). The warehouse featured secret rooms full of televisions,couches and exercise equipment. The contractors had used partitions,screens and stacked boxes to hide the rooms from security cameras in the 70,000 square foot building which the EPA leases for $750,000 a year. The responsible contractor has been paid $5.3 million since 2007. Geez! I don't know about everyone else,but it seems like the EPA could have offered the standard employees lounge, the kind provided for regular folks. I wonder how many other government agencies have secret employee hideouts?

Kit Kat Clubs

Japan seems to stay ahead of the curve when it comes to new ideas,but as I understand it the world's first cat cafe was opened in Taiwan in 1998 with Japan's first debuting in 2004. A cat cafe is just what the name implies,a theme cafe where the attraction is cats that can be watched and played with. There are several versions of how the cafes work. Some charge a cover fee,while others sell drinks and snacks to patrons. The one thing they all have in common is the animals welfare. Following the trend other countries have begun opening cat cafes including: Korea,Austria,England,Hungary,Germany,Spain,France and finally,last but not least the US! The ever eclectic San Francisco is in the process of planning the location and opening of KitTea. The plans include a separate area for food and beverages,but if customers choose to they can take their snacks into the cat lounge. They hope to work with a pet shelter or rescue operation to allow customers who bond with a special cat to pursue adoption.

Hooters

Hah! I bet a large portion of you out there in readerland are thinking of scantily clad women serving food in a restaurant of the same name,nope tricked you again! Today the hooters in question are owls. In modern times owls symbolize wisdom,but that wasn't always the meaning connected to owls. In medieval times the owls was associated with doom and death,they were thought to be a guardians to the gates of hell. The owl featured in many works of Hieronymus Bosch,in the "Garden of Earthly Delights" a naked man is seen embracing an owl,representing mans fall from grace to embrace evil. The American Indian also held negative feelings for owls and believed them to be harbingers of death. The popular modern owl has a dreary past...try not to think about that next time you hear one!

Look to the left of the painting,just about the couple in the bubble is the man embracing the owl.

Deluxe Drunks

I don't know the percentage of adults that have been legally drunk at least one time,but when I tried to find that information all that came up was adolescent drinking statistics,so we will proceed without that bit of info. I would venture a guess (in the US) that it would be around 70%,probably higher? I would also be willing to bet that even if those people had done things they regretted while under the influence,they were no where as out of control as these next people. Oddly enough both of these examples happened in Georgia. A drunk waitress was caught having sex in a pickup truck outside a Waffle House restaurant. Though she blew a .216 alcohol reading the police figured she was drunk when she tried to put a cheeseburger on her foot like a sandal (I wonder what she would have done if there were fries with the burger?).
The next notable DUI crashed through the front of a Walgreen's drugstore,calmly left the vehicle and resumed drinking in the bar next door. It is hard to believe that either of these people were still up walking around!

Farding Around

First known use of the word fard was the 15th century. The meaning is to paint (the face) with cosmetics,to gloss over. I had never heard this word before today,and deeply regret that fact. Now I want to work it into my vocabulary and use it at every opportunity. Can you see the signs at schools? or perhaps hear a teacher admonish "No farding during class"! or maybe an officer of the law writing a ticket for farding while driving? That has always scared me stiff when I see a woman applying mascara while driving. The possibilities for using this word are only limited by your imagination!

Boomer Style

Along with the numerous other contributions to modern culture,Baby Boomers are putting the fun into funerals. A while back I wrote a blog about how the music for funerals had been changing from the dirges common to funerals to rock music, which to me is a welcome change,but now the rest of the funeral scene is undergoing a makeover. Some of the theme funerals that are becoming increasingly popular include: Christmas inspired,complete with reindeer,elves and snow,BBQ,sports (basketball,boxing,bowling,and TV sports viewers). Out of all the choices I read about I would still prefer cremation with the ashes sealed in a biodegradable urn and dropped into the ocean. If I had to be buried I would choose a book themed funeral where those in attendance could come as there favorite literary character and I would be laid to rest in a book-coffin eventually making me an actual bookworm!

Bangs

I came across a reference to the word shebang in my various studies and was surprised at the usage and meaning it had. I had a difficult time finding other mention of that same meaning,but out of curiosity kept digging. In the Civil War prisoners were faced with making do with little or nothing,for shelter they constructed dwelling known as shebangs. They were made from whatever materials they could find including cloth,mud,tree limbs and brush. Though little known today,this was the original meaning of the word shebang. It was apparently derived from shebeen (Scottish) and Seibin (Irish) meaning temporary shelter. Around that same time (1862) it was also used to mean a rented coach or carriage. In dictionaries only the modern definition is found "the whole shebang" meaning "all parts of". It is also yet another term for the dreaded hashtag!

Speaking of Flying...

Woman arrested for indecent exposure.

I can't help but make a tacky pun,as luck would have it an appropriate subject came up to make an almost seamless segue from yesterday's blog straight into today's post. Two days ago in Arkansas (I wonder what the weather was like?) police arrested a 47 year old woman for indecent exposure. The woman was walking down the middle of the road sporting only a pair of angel wings (and possibly a smile). It was never disclosed why she was naked,but it was her birthday (seems like that should be considered). If I had been arrested naked,I think I would have feigned amnesia,since it was unlikely she was carrying ID.

The picture some of you were hoping to see.

The Real Santa Story?

I was browsing a chapter in a reference book about how various cultures get high. Most of the methods, regardless of location, involved hours of chewing leaves or various other plant parts,nothing really new or unusual about that. Then I found mention of a Siberian mushroom called fly agaric,it was described as a red and white mushroom and reminded me of what I know as an Amanita,as it turned out they are one in the same. Most amateur mushroom pickers know Amanitas as a poisonous variety and leave them alone,but in other cultures it has been used for ceremonies and getting high. Okay,here comes the Santa part...picture if you will a group of Siberians' roaring drunk (they also make a drink from the mushrooms) and in their drunken/high state they notice the reindeer/caribou hunting and eating the same mushrooms. With that mental picture firmly in place all you need is one of the men to be fat ,bearded and have a sleigh to hitch the "flying" reindeer too! It seems like a more likely scenario than most of the Santa stories,and it is based on facts.

Baths

There are many kinds of baths,a person can have a sun bath,steam bath,mud bath,spit bath and various animals enjoy dust baths,but what about an air bath? Benjamin Franklin believed that cold baths (which were considered a tonic in his time) were a shock to the system. He found it more agreeable to sit naked in the cold air. He would rise early every morning and sit without clothes on for 1/2-1 hour (depending on the season) reading and writing. Many famous authors and composers incorporated soaking in the bathtub into their creative process,but Franklin was the only one I found that used an air bath for mental stimulation. The part I find odd is that in modern times if a prominent person is found to have unusual habits it creates a scandal. With that thought in mind...is society regressing instead of progressing?

Kissing Cousins

Pop culture doesn't usually hold much interest for me,but then again this isn't your run of the mill celebrity details. Barack Obama and Brad Pitt are ninth cousins,but wait,there's more! Obama and George Bush are also cousins and the list continues to include: Gerald Ford,Lyndon Johnson,Harry S. Truman,James Madison,Vice President Dick Cheney,Sir Winston Churchill and Civil War General Robert E. Lee. Just in case that doesn't leave you with enough to think about let us enter Hillary Clinton into the equation. As coincidence would have it Hillary and Angelina Jolie are ninth cousins! Clinton is also a distant cousin of Madonna,Celine Dion,Alanis Morissette,Camilla Parker Bowles, (how is that for irony?) and beatnik author Jack Kerouac. I could make several tasteless jokes at this point,but instead I will leave you to your own devices.

And You Thought I Was Crazy!

A 26 year old Newport News woman apparently snapped while babysitting for a friend. She left the 4 and 5 year old in a Burger King,walked across the street with the infant and placed it under the tires of a delivery van. A witness intervened and took the infant to his car to call for help,the woman screamed "He will kill us,you must put him back!" and tried to take the infant back. She then ran into a T J Maxx and started screaming that it was going to blow up in 29 seconds. She ran into the storeroom and started climbing shelves,then she ran back through the store still screaming that it was about to blow up and ran out the front door. When the police met her there and confronted her she stripped off her clothes. She was eventually taken into custody and will undergo psychological examination (you think?). The children were reunited with their mother who was at a hair appointment. I don't know about everyone else,but doesn't it seem like the mother might have noticed something odd?

Pope Francis For President!

If only the US could steal the pope away from the church he would have this country whipped into shape in no time,complete with a balanced budget. He certainly is trimming the fat for the Catholics. In October of last year he suspended a German Bishop known as the "Bishop of Bling" in the media. Last year when the Bishop traveled to India to minister to the poor slum dwellers he flew first class (at least he didn't have his own Air Force One!). He also spent $42 million on renovations to his church owned residence,billed to the Vatican and German taxpayers. Included in those costs were $620,000 worth of artwork,$1.1 million in landscaping and a $20,000 bathtub. Keep up the good work Pope Francis...and when you're done cleaning up the church please consider straightening out the US!

A Laughing Matter?

Do you remember the fall of 2013 when Congress was divided a midst a government shutdown? A poll was conducted in October on public approval of Congress,I find the results both apt and amusing. 85% of the registered voters surveyed disapproved of the job Congress is doing. Older voters disapproved at a higher rate than younger voters (a scary thought...do they expect even less from Congress?). Those polled had a higher opinion of witches,jury duty and hemorrhoids. Government institutions like the DMV and the IRS rated higher than Congress. There were a few public figures that were disliked more than Congress,Anthony Weiner,Vladimir Putin,Charles Manson,Honey Boo Boo,and Miley Cyrus. Congress also was less popular than dog poop,toenail fungus and cockroaches. I can only wonder if the results were shared with Congress.

Straight From...

It seems fairly safe to say that most people operate on a rewards system,but other than childhood and work do these same people privately adhere to the system? I rely on the rewards system as my incentive for most things,although sometimes I am less than honest with myself when it comes reward time. I have no idea if this is normal and speaking of normal...most people talk to themselves whether they admit to it or not is another story. I not only talk to myself,I engage in debates which brings me to today's subject. During one of my running monologues I used the phrase "straight from the horse's mouth" which sent me in a new direction. I wanted to know how that idiom came about,are horses known to be the most honest animals? and if so why didn't I know that before? There are two possible origins. The first,and most likely is a horse's age can be determined by looking at the teeth,so if the horse's age was in doubt it could be confirmed straight from the horse's mouth. The second origin relates to horse racing and betting. If you were looking for a sure bet (no such thing,that's why it's called gambling!) you would go to someone close to the horse,such as a jockey or trainer. The second option seems apt to deliver a biased answer in my opinion,but hey! just telling you what I found!

Trustworthy?

If a person can't trust science,what can they trust? I am referring back to the 1970's when a grand hoax was played on the world. It was announced that a primitive cave dwelling tribe had been discovered on an island in the Philippines. The Tasaday tribe were the rage for several years,complete with celebrity visits. Then it was decided that they should be kept isolated from the curious. In 1986 the restrictions were lifted and the "primitive" Tasaday were not found living in their caves,but in houses typical of the area. T-shirts and jeans had replaced loincloths,and some members admitted that it had been a hoax. They had been promised pay but ended up getting little as the perpetrator of the hoax left without paying, taking several teenage girls with him. Goes to show,you can't believe everything you read!

Tuckered Out

While I was doing a trivia quiz I found a question about a car I had never heard of,the Tucker Torpedo,aka,Tucker 48. Some of you may have seen a movie about it in the 80's "Tucker:The Man and His Dream",directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Coppola had a childhood connection to the Tucker as his father had invested $5,000 in Tucker stock and ordered a car he never received. Preston Tucker was ahead of his time in many ways and one theory on his downfall involves the big car companies interference. The Tucker featured a third centered headlight which swiveled to light the way around corners, a rear engine,padded dash,seat belts and several other unheard of features for that time period. His innovations were way ahead of his time, only 51 Tuckers were built,47 of the originals still exist today,and when they are sold they fetch up to $2.9 million. The Tucker production plant in Chicago today houses a Tootsie Roll factory and shopping center.

Go Bananas!

Most people are aware that humans are closely related to chimpanzees (we share 98% of our genes).  I don't think many people even find that remotely surprising,but what about other life forms? Since scientists have mapped all the human genes they have been compared to various other genes and these results are not what you might expect. Some interesting comparisons: We share 60% of our genes with a fruit fly,75% with a mouse,80% with a cow and wait for it...50% with a banana! Kind of makes a person rethink a few things,and I can't help but wonder what kind of tail spin this might put vegetarians into...will they give up eating altogether?

Downsizing

Most of you probably remember the documentary "Super Size Me" which ended up causing weight gain and assorted health problems after a month of eating 3 meals a day at McDonald's. That study was done about 10 years ago,and has been repeated recently with different results. A science teacher in Iowa has lost 37 lbs. and lowered his cholesterol after 3 months,3 meals a day of the new McDonald's menu. He restricted his intake to 2,000 calories and used the daily recommended allowances for carbohydrates,proteins,sugar and fat,plus he walked 45 minutes a day. His students planned his meals and he made his own documentary. He was inspired by the irresponsible journalism of "Super Size Me" and wanted to teach his students about choices. Though personally I'm not a big McDonald's fan,I am happy someone finally pointed out the obvious flaws of the "Super Size Me" documentary.

Fly Away Home

As I was dressing this morning I noticed a ladybug on the wall of my bedroom and it was all downhill from there. I have been trying to retrace my steps to figure out where I read about ladybug infestations,but so far no luck with that. I did find several articles about ladybugs and the reasons they get into houses. It seems to happen mostly in the southern states in the fall of particularly wet years. Some people get overly excited by the infestations,but they usually disappear on their own in a few days, if you feel the need you can vacuum them up in a bag-less vacuum and release them outside. If you smash them they will leave yellow stains.   Call me ignorant but I never realized there were so many different configurations of the little beetles. There are about 500 different kinds in the U.S. and nearly 5,000 world wide. Their colors range from reds,yellows,orange,gray,black,brown and even pink. I have often seen the black variety in Hawaii and swear that they bite,though everything I've read claims otherwise!

This one is a pink variety and is a different shape,but still a ladybug.

  

Silly Studies

Sometimes I read about research that is almost comical,but when a person gives it some thought it is not comical,but disheartening. A recent example was a study done on ostriches who were raised entirely by humans and the way it impacted their lives. The birds became sexually confused and aimed their courtship rituals at the humans. Gender wasn't an issue,the male birds might try courting a male caretaker or vice versa. 70% of the animals studied showed no interest in mating with another ostrich.
My point is that instead of wasting time and money on studies of this type,why not apply that research to finding a way to raise the animals without as much human contact so they can continue reproducing naturally? With the clock to extinction ticking on so many species it seems like steps taken in the wrong direction.

Coming to a Bank Near You!

Actually the chance of a Tightwad Bank opening near to you are somewhere between slim and none unless you live in or near Tightwad,Missouri. Your next thought may be is it a real bank? and yes it is a real bank with most,if not all amenities,including a FDIC membership. The first Tightwad Bank opened in 1984 but after two armed robberies in the 1990's it closed its doors. In 2008 the bank reopened under new ownership,the new owners are from Kansas City where they grew bored running a sober-sided bank. The partners decided the possibilities were reasonable and the amount of fun limitless. One partner joked,"if the bank doesn't work out they can turn the place into a drive through liquor store."

A Must Have...NOT

This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I have heard of,of course at $300,000 a pop it is more for show than need. The Day and Night watch doesn't tell time,nope it simply tells you if it is day or night by a complicated Tourbillion movement invented to overcome earth's gravity which can affect the accuracy of watches. Excuse me,but why does it need to be accurate if it is only telling night or day? For that matter are the people who spend that amount on a watch that only tells day and night not bright enough to figure that out on their own? Apparently it sold out within 48 hours of its introduction,to bad all that money couldn't have been used for a worthy cause. It gets worse...it isn't even an attractive piece!

A Clean Slate

This month is a little more labor intensive since most of you will need to take down the 2013 calendar and replace it with 2014. Once this task is completed I want you to think of the new year as your blank canvas to make anything you desire from it.
1/1 Global Family Day
1/2 Happy Mew Year for Cats Day (also the day I bring my new kitty home if all goes as planned)
1/3 Drinking Straw Day
1/4 Trivia Day (every day is trivia day for me)
1/5 Bird Day
1/6 "Thank God It's Monday" Day
1/7 I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore Day
1/8 National Show and Tell Day at Work
1/9 National Static Electricity Day
1/10 National Cut Your Energy Costs Day
1/11 Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day
1/12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
1/13 National Clean Off Your Desk Day (hey,I thought a messy desk was a sign of a busy mind?)
1/14 Dress Up Your Pet Day
1/15 Humanitarian Day
1/16 Appreciate a Dragon Day
1/17 International Fetish Day
1/18 Thesaurus Day (I love mine)
1/19 Popcorn Day
1/20 Penguin Awareness Day
1/21 National Hugging Day
1/22 Answer Your Cat's Question Day
1/23 National Pie Day (not to be confused with Pi Day 3/14)
1/24 Belly Laugh Day
1/25 National Irish Coffee Day (I wonder if they call it that in Ireland?)
1/26 World Leprosy Day
1/27 Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
1/28 National Kazoo Day (I have two,just in case)
1/29 Seeing Eye Dog Day
1/30 Inane Answering Message Day
1/31 Fun at Work Day
As always,enjoy the month and the year ahead!