Won't Get Fooled Again

Or will we get fooled again? The most popular theory on the origin of April Fool's Day comes from Canterbury Tales when the fox tricks Chauntecleer on April 1st though the actual roots are unknown. If any of you are looking for pranks to pull I've put together a few for your consideration:

Nothing Exciting

Maybe I'm the only one who didn't know this but I was accidentally doing it right anyway. When recycling cans they don't want them flattened as the machines that sort them don't recognize their shape so they are sorted into non-recyclable items. This doesn't matter much in states or countries who have bottle/can deposits because they have to have their bar code intact to be sorted,so you would find out the first time you tried returning them smashed. Think of this as a PSA because I for one didn't know that it applies to all types of cans (including steel and tin) and thought I was just being lazy when I didn't flatten my cans. It seems like there was a school related can drive not long ago that was doing it by weight so maybe there are other buyers for cans that don't require them to be whole.

Theoretically

Many times I have glanced at articles about flat earthers immediately dismissing them as a few fanatics but when I saw two different pieces on the same day I decided to take a closer look. A 23 year old science graduate (no less!) first realized the earth was flat when he was 18 and studying the properties of water,he says even with gravity water could not curve into a ball. I couldn't find out how many belong to the Flat Earth International Conference (FEIC) but there are enough of them that they are planning a cruise in 2020 to once and for all prove the flatness of the earth. They are going to cruise to the ice wall that keeps the oceans on our disc like planet and document their findings so the rest of us doubters will finally see the reality of their science.

Paid Bed Rest

If anyone out there thinks a dream job would be getting paid to lay in bed this job may be for you! NASA is looking for 12 men and 12 women to spend 60 days in bed for $19,000. The agency is studying the long term effects of spaceflight and artificial gravity on extended spaceflights. The study will take place in Cologne,Germany and allows for whatever entertainment the individuals involved care to use such as TV,video games,reading or visiting with friends,of course the participants will also be closely monitored and tested.

Odd is Right

I don't usually jump on the bandwagon of hysterical parents who think the worst case scenario of seemingly innocent things,however after looking up the website of the Australian toy company ORB ODDITEEZ and reading their description of the line of toys in question I have to side with the shocked mom of a three year old girl. The little girl had grabbed a "toy" off the shelf when her mothers back was turned and when the mom turned around she thought her daughter had found a discarded sex toy. The company says," peel back a FuzionFoodz to reveal a squishy gross surprise. Plop and squeeze your Ballz to watch them wobble and wiggle. Embrace the unexpected with this weird collection of toys that grow,slime,twist,splat and more." or maybe I just have a dirty mind?

Another Brick in the Wall

An artist who specializes in cheese works started building a wall out of spoiled Cotija cheese yesterday afternoon. The cheese wall is being constructed 45 feet from the real border in Tecate,California. He is starting with 200 blocks and will need 8,800 to complete his vision. The man has wanted to build his wall for 20 years but didn't get permission until the current debacle over a border wall. He would like to keep the wall going but it is likely that animals will eat it or it will just fall apart but he says that's part of the artist process. The punch line is,"I guess something kind of Gouda came out of the whole wall mess! "

Keeping It Clean

We all should have known this day would come. After decades of feminine hygiene products available in every scent imaginable and some beyond imagination,there is now a masculine hygiene product called (I dare you not to laugh) Boners Penis Cleaner available for around $16 for a 150 ml container. Enthusiasts of the product claim it leaves their junk looking magical and smelling like rainbows. I can't help but wonder first of all how they were able to smell their own penis and second exactly what does a rainbow smell like? This post reminds me of an old joke...Did you hear they have a new masculine hygiene product out? They call it Ump,"For foul balls".
  

Flight of Fancy

A 38 year old man stripped naked while waiting to board a flight in Moscow,Russia and nonchalantly stood in line to board. He was caught by airport staff as he ran onto the jet way,then detained by police. Another passenger said he heard the man say,"I'm naked because clothing impairs the aerodynamics of the body. I fly with more agility when undressed." The man showed no signs of intoxication and was taken to the airport's medical room and later hospitalized. I'll go out on a limb here and guess that this was his first time flying and possibly his last.
  

Good Vibrations

I'd never given much thought to a museum of antique vibrators but one exists in San Francisco,CA. The first known vibrator was made by an American physician in 1869,he described it as a steam powered massage and vibratory device. 1880 saw the first battery operated vibrator and by 1900 dozens of companies were making them. Until around 1900 vibrators were used exclusively by doctors mainly for women suffering from hysteria. Once they were made available to the public they were advertised as home appliances with claims of curing diseases and relieving suffering. Some of these items look more like torture devices than having any resemblance to modern vibrators. 

Booze News

Two men doing floodwater cleanup in Nebraska found a magic fridge in the middle of a field. The reason they called it a magic fridge was it was filled with cold Bud Light and Busch Light beer. They took pictures to share their find with friends on social media. The photos went viral and the owner of the fridge was able to identify it as his. The men plan to return their find as soon as the roads are repaired,minus a few beers.
In other booze news Monkey Shoulder Whiskey announced its giant mixing truck will be touring Florida and will be in the Orlando area this week. The truck looks like a cement mixer/martini shaker. It holds 2,400 gallons and will be serving a cocktail named Mixed Up Money. The drink features Monkey Shoulder Whiskey,mint simple syrup,fresh lemon juice,soda and mint leaves.

Does Not Compute

Most everyone agrees that computers are a great thing,at least most of the time, the rest of the time you need to repeat your personal mantra to avoid smashing things. Without further ado I present a group of quotes about computers:
Computers are like Old Testament gods;lots of rules and no mercy. Joseph B. Campbell
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.  Al Goodman
A debugged program is one for which you have not yet found the conditions that make it fail.  Jerry Ogdin
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things,but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. Andy Rooney
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.  Dave Barry
To err is human-and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Robert Orben

Offensive Fence

A Santa Rosa,CA man who built a fence to keep his dogs in had to cut it down to the 36 inch maximum after a neighbor complained. I'm not taking sides but he should have checked on the requirements before he put the fence up,and the neighbor may have been better off with the fence to look at as his yard looks a little unruly,but I digress. The man owns a moving company and had kept 5 mannequins from a clothing store he had cleared out and decided to put the naked group in his yard to get back at the complaining neighbor. Isn't the saying "Good fences make good neighbors" (Robert Frost) applicable here?