Bite the Bullet

The regular readers amongst you will recall my travel ordeals earlier in the month and the frustration at being singled out both ways in my travels. The first time for a deadly Kleenex the return trip it was for the ever dangerous and deadly unusual amount of change. You could describe my reaction to the news of a .22 caliber bullet being found by a flight attendant on a plane preparing for take off out of Portland today as considerably less than charitable. Then I started thinking about how it could have ended up on the flight with passengers going through the same security that I had been through and decided that it wasn't too likely. That left an airport employee being the one to drop/lose the bullet on the plane,so I started looking into what kind of security airport personel had to go through on a daily basis. Though the information varied widely for the most part they don't go through anything close to what the passengers go through,and though most of them have to have a thorough background check before they are hired,that doesn't mean much other than they haven't been caught up to that point. My question is what is the point of going over the passengers with a fine tooth comb if a cleaner, food service person or baggage handler can go ahead and put what ever they want to on a flight?
Proof once again...I am not paranoid,they really are out to get me!

Space Crap

One of Canada's twelve foods chosen to accompany their astronaut to the  International Space Station is a dry cereal named "Holy Crap". The company claims they got the name when one of their first customers said,"Holy Crap...this is amazing!" Considering the price tag that customer may have been referring to its cost,$16.85 for an 8 oz. bag. The cereal contains non-GMO certified organic gluten free ingredients. It is a blend of chia seeds,(in case you want to grow an internal Chia Pet!) buckwheat,hulled hemp hearts,cranberries,raisins,apples and cinnamon,all organic. They also claim the cereal has more fiber than bran muffins (another possible reason behind the name) more Omega 3 and 6 than salmon and more protein than flax seed. I haven't tried it and at the asking price probably won't as the ingredients to make it don't seem to add up to the cost,plus I'm not much of a cereal person,but Holy Crap is going to the Space Station and I'm not!

Dead Ends

In the past week I've had several dreams of people who are deceased. I thought it would be interesting to see what kind of information I could scare up about this. I will keep it brief as the amount of conflicting theories is quite sizable. Today I will just offer one view on this phenomenon.
Spiritual research finds there are psychological and spiritual reason for dreaming of the dead. Psychological reasons can be feelings of guilt or regret for not having spent time with the departed or other issues about that person.
Spiritual reasons can include the deceased needs help in the afterlife and is trying to make contact or is seeking revenge,though the amount seeking revenge or to frighten the dreamer is said to be only 30%. The reason the dead appear to you in dreams is the mind is more receptive to subtle messages in the sleep state than when all 5 senses are engaged in the waking state. It is also said the people who die suddenly are more likely to appear in your dreams than those who died after a prolonged illness.
I don't think this really answers my questions,but I thought it was an interesting theory.

Bad Days

First off none of these things have actually happened to me,they are only products of my vivid imagination and for amusement only...use at your own risk!
You are playing solitaire on your computer and you are sure there is a card missing.
You look at a particularly bothersome person and find yourself musing about fava beans and a nice chianti.
Getting up in the middle of the night and stepping in dog vomit...as you are cleaning it up you realize you don't have a dog.
You decide it would be funny to call in sick to work,you tell them you can't come to work because your eyes are bothering you...you just can't see yourself working there. They answer your prank by saying "We can't see you working here either."
While driving in especially nasty traffic you barely notice that you have assumed ramming speed and only miss having an accident by seconds.
Then there are the times like when I just sat down here and dumped a glass of water all over myself because I forgot that I had it in my hand.
I have lived through enough crazy stuff in my life that none of these thoughts seem that far out there,so remember no matter what kind of day you're having,it could always be worse!

About Honor?

I have always been curious how flowers came to be the traditional (at least in the U.S.) way to honor the deceased and since it is Memorial Day I thought what better time to find out. In other cultures different items are left for the dead and to me they make more sense than flowers. Offerings of food,money and favorite trinkets seem like things a dead person might have use for (providing the dead needed anything) but I found that flowers actually dated back to the Stone Age. The reason flowers were employed was more than just the decorative purpose they serve today. Flowers were originally put over the grave to mask the odor of decay not only for the survivors but also in hopes of deterring animals from digging up the corpse. The custom of marking the grave with a tombstone began when people still feared the deceased spirit might rise from the grave and inhabit the body of a living person. To prevent this the coffin was nailed shut and a heavy stone was placed on the lid,it was then buried deep in the ground. For extra security another stone was placed on the surface of the grave,giving us the word tombstone.

Just When You Thought

Since the motels have seemingly laid the bed bug problem to rest (or to bed?),you are probably feeling fairly good about using motels in your travel plans. There are lots of comfortable motels out there,but first a few things you might appreciate knowing.
Just because you have a reservation doesn't mean you will actually be able to procure a room for the night. Motels play the percentages and overbook whenever possible and if you made your reservation through a discount outlet like Expedia,your chances of not getting a room are much greater. In case that isn't quite enought to make you nervous about your motel stay,without even mentioning using a black light to show areas previously soiled by bodily fluids,you can check out that nice shiny glass left for your convenience. Perhaps you have brought some of your favorite beverage to enjoy,maybe even an alcoholic beverage to help ease you into slumber in a bed other than your own. If so the motel has foreseen this possiblitly and supplied you with a flavor enhancer,those nice shiny glasses? Chances are they have been cleaned with Lemon Pledge,and do I need to mention the dust cloth had already been used? The moral of the story is...opt for the plastic disposable glasses and your own mixer!

New Excuse...Old Problem

Actually it's probably one of the oldest excuses in the book, but usually called by various other names including but not limited to,24 hour flu (aka brown bottle flu),feeling under the weather (remember the seasick blog?) and many more misnomers varying according to the creativity of the afflicted person. So along with feeling like you might die (sometimes wishing you would) and wondering if anyone got the license number of the truck that ran over you,you also get a healthy dose of guilt. I can help with a small portion of the problem,I can't fix the way you feel physically,only time can cure that (or if you are a hard core case,another drink),but I can help with the guilt. The guilt can be a two-fold deal,for instance if you suddenly realize you are drunk and it is a work night,the other scenario is for the more cautious amongst you who avoid (or try to avoid) drinking on work nights. Either way chances are you will feel guilty. For those who "accidently" got drunk on a work night and call in sick to work simply use the word veisalgia instead of the over used 24 hour flu,you are suffering from a sudden onset of veisalgia (pronounced v-long a salgia). Chances are whoever you have to call really doesn't care what your problem is,only how to compensate for one less person. For the rest of you,sooth your jagged nerves with the medical term for your affliction,sure you are still going to miss most of a perfectly good day but putting a technical name to it may help!

The Hairy Eyeball

To bad I didn't run across this a few days ago when I did the other bee blog,but life is seldom as organized as I would like. First off you can't call a bee four eyes because they have five eyes,and they have hair on their eyes (makes my eyes water just thinking about it). I don't know if you could apply the word hirsute to a honey bee,but that is the general idea,natures way of maximizing every surface of the bee to collect the most pollen possible,the hairs also help the bee to fly by sensing wind direction and wind speed (they can fly about 15 mph). The allergy sufferers amongst you must be feeling an overwhelming need to rub your eyes about now! The honey bee is also the only insect that make food for humans,so forget about the hairy eyeballs and enjoy some honey.

Playing Dead

I grew up on a farm and from a young age knew about animals,both domestic and wild but I only recently discovered that opossums don't play dead (play opossum) they actually enter a state similar to fainting that can last from less than a minute to six hours. It immediately made sense when I read that as anyone that has been around opossums know they aren't the sharpest tool in the shed (small primitive brain). In case you also believe the way opossums are depicted hanging from their tails sleeping,that is also a misconception. Their tails are not strong enough to hold the weight of an adult,the young can hang from their tails but can not sleep that way. Opossums are highly disease resistant due to their low body temperature,they rarely contract rabies and can survive most venomous snake bites. Their disease resistance coupled with their being mainly scavengers and with their 50 teeth (more than any mammal) they bring new meaning to the word omnivore,and could be the reason that fossil remains have been found dating them back to 70 million years ago. Once the Earth is no longer able to support human life forms we can rest assured that the opossum and the cockroach will still be thriving...and who knows? maybe telemarketers.

Bored?

Only boring people get bored! I have always liked that saying,now if I can segue into today's topic without further ado...Yawning is one of those simple things we all do but one that scientists don't have an explanation for. The first explanation I remember hearing was that your body would induce you to yawn if you had an oxygen debt,and you would get the needed oxygen by yawning. They do know it's involuntary action because even fetuses yawn as do most inverebrates. Another theory is that yawning acts like a fan for the brain,when it becomes too warm we yawn to cool the brain down. By now you may be wondering how either of these explanations fit with contagious yawning and neither really do. The empathic yawn is your neurons causing you to feel what the yawning person feels and perform the same action. Before I wrap up for the day I wanted to touch on boredom again. There are studies being conducted that indicate boredom may have health consequences,depression,overeating,substance abuse,gambling and indirectly people can be "bored to death". So with that said,quit yawning and keep it entertaining!

Knee Jerk

My first thought whenever I hear the expression "the bees knees" is do bees even have knees? As it turns out they do have knees of a sort and six of what passes for knees to be accurate. Still after answering that question I wondered why that would indicate something special since bees knees wouldn't be very high unless of course they were flying. From what I found the special thing about bees knees is that it rhymes. It seems to have originated in the 1920s along with "the cat's pajamas","the snake's hips","the kipper's knickers", and "the sardine's whiskers". Only the first two of these are still in popular use today and only the bees knees are actually found in nature.
Another theory suggests that because the nectar and pollen collects on the bee's legs that it means that is where all the sweet,good stuff is collected. Well...Ain't that the bees knees?

Who's Next?

Before you male readers dismiss today's blog as a female dilema I want you to know I have seen your reactions when your immediate want for a restroom wasn't met. I happened to be waiting near a men's restroom that was blocked from entry because a woman was inside cleaning. Out of the 6 men that stopped to use that facility 4 took off in a huff,out of the 2 that waited one was a man waiting to change a babies diaper (it was closed a total of 5 minutes). You see men rarely have to deal with lines in restrooms and don't realize the inconvenience females endure on a regular basis.

Now on the the real question of the day. When waiting in line for the next available stall,which invaribly you will have to do (the wait is directly proportional to the urgencey of you need) the handicapped stall is enlisted into service as a regular stall. If a disabled person comes in do they go to the front of the line or wait with everyone else? They don't want to be treated differently,but does that apply here? I am not sure of the etiquette/protocol for this instance. As long as I am posing questions about the handicapped what happens to them once they are on a plane? There are no handicapped bathrooms for them there,and they don't have their wheelchairs to get to them anyway. Maybe they use a catheter for flying...but that doesn't cover every possible bathroom need. Anyone have the answer?

The Real Agenda

Although I don't live in the Portland area I have been wondering how the vote to put fluoride in their water will turn out. Call me paranoid but it seems like there is a hidden agenda behind the measure. #1 Not many people drink straight tap water,so all the advertising pushing that aspect of the campaign pretty much means zip. #2 Most toothpaste contains fluoride,however if you read the instructions it cautions you to not swallow it. #3 Does fluoride really help fight tooth decay (I know what the claims are,but why is it needed in the water supply,when there are other ways to introduce it)? I grew up on well water with no additives,I had the usual amount of cavities any child did,my brother however was cavity free up until the time he left home.
Who is the money behind the extensive advertising? And why do they think the people of Portland will vote for adding something to the water (at the cost of $7.6 million) when the trend is to filter things out of the drinking water or buying pure water? The supporters claim it is to protect underprivileged kids from tooth decay making them sound concerned and righteous,but maybe the money would be better spent on a program to supply instruction on dental care and toothbrushes to provide the children with the tools to use that information. After tomorrow we will know their decision.

Crying Time

"Jesus wept" is the shortest verse in the Bible,he wept because of his loving nature and mans misery. In modern times he must be crying a river. This morning I was listening to two friends comparing notes over things that happened when their kids were teenagers. Both had run ins with the school over T-shirts,one shirt said "Jesus Farted" (meaning he was human) another shirt said "Pray Naked" (everyone is naked to the Lord). I thought both shirts were innocuous and mentally compared the way kids dress for school nowadays,leaving little to the imagination.
Another statement that was misunderstood was when John Lennon was thought to say "The Beatles are more popular than Jesus" which was taken out of context. The actual quote that was taken from an interview was: "Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first rock-n-roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me." His quote received little notice in Britain,but in the US (land of religious freedom?) it was reprinted out of context and many radio stations banned Beatles music (thank god they got over that!).
Another somewhat related Jesus item...The British government refused a patent to "Jesus Jeans" because it was morally offensive. The US gave the company the patent,but refused dozens of other patents with Jesus in their company name. I guess it depends on what day of the week it is?

Sleeping Wrong?

I didn't wake up with a stiff neck,it came on for no discernible reason some time around an hour after I got up. But that isn't really what I want to talk about. The phrase sleeping wrong is what's on my mind,is it just me or is that one of the goofier sayings to come along? Seriously,how exactly is the "wrong" way to sleep? "Oh,you see I fell asleep standing on my head and upon waking discovered that was the wrong way to sleep." Other than maybe someone suffering from narcolepsy,I don't see that scenario happening on a regular basis. So how else could a person sleep wrong? I suppose those of you that have no problem falling asleep might nod off in a chair with your head at a bad angle,but why does that make a person get a stiff neck? If you observe animals sleeping you will get my point,I have seen them jump up,give themselves a shake and be ready to go after sleeping in positions that would seemingly cripple any being. I have to be pretty comfortable to fall asleep and stay asleep so maybe I am missing the whole idea behind "sleeping wrong". One of the only circumstances that would completely qualify as sleeping wrong would be to fall asleep with your head submerged in liquid...now that would be sleeping wrong!

Nonconformists

Have you ever noticed how creative/famous people often seem to have unusual habits? I have been mentally compiling a list of these folks for years and am guessing that the very part of their brains that give them the ability to think outside the box is also involved in giving them their special little quirks.
Ripley (of Believe It Or Not fame) had one of the largest private automobile collections in the world,but never learned to drive. Leo Fender of Fender guitar never learned to play the guitar. David Cameron (Prime Minister) gives speeches with a full bladder to focus his mind. ( I have tried this before I heard about it (not for speeches) and it not only narrows your focus it also makes you quick!) Margaret Thatcher,Napoleon,Florence Nightingale and Thomas Edison got by on 4-5 hours sleep a night (this really doesn't work for me). Too many authors to mention had various sexual quirks. Charles Richter (Richter scale) and his wife were both nudists and frequented naturist camps throughout California. He was also an amateur novelist and poet. It has also been suggested that he engaged in multiple extramarital affairs. (Seems to be a reoccurring theme with the creative types.) On the other end of the scale (no not the Richter scale!) Franz Kafka was extremely self conscious and said to have loathed sex. No pigeon holing these people!

The Towel Nazi

If you can just hang with me one more day I promise I will get out of this rut and return to my normal well traveled rut!
This whole thing from start to finish had me nearly laughing because I kept thinking about the Seinfeld episode about the soup Nazi. The condo I was staying in last week is one I have stayed in many times and they offer a mid-week towel change but give you the option of using what is already in the condo. Since I was by myself I really didn't need to have them take the towels or leave more as there were plenty between the towel rack and linen closet. I had never been in the room in the years past when they came to do this service but wondered why they always changed the towels no matter what I did. You see there is a small sign in the bathroom that says: Everyday millions of gallons of water are used to wash towels that have only been used once. You Make The Choice: When we provide your midweek service and there is a towel on the rack this means, "I will use again." And a towel on the floor means,"Housekeeping please replace." My used towel was placed on the rack when the knock came on the door,I answered and told the person I don't need any additional towels...she smiled and stepped around me and went into the bathroom to gather the towels. I mentally shrugged and thought,"oh well,I tried to do the right thing." I wasn't sure when she had left because she had propped the door open when she came in,and luckily I had been there because she never came back to close the door. When I went into the bathroom to observe her handiwork I realized not only had she taken the towels she had also taken the bath mat,so now not only did I get towels I didn't need or want, I had to use extra towels in place of the bath mat...maybe next time I will simply wrestle the towel Nazi back out the door and sidestep the whole problem.

Getting Naked

For those of you interested in increasing your vocabulary the word for today is Ecdysiast,it is the technical word for a stripper. It relates to ecdysis,the scientific name for molting. Now to explain why I am including that...I had meant to include this with yesterday's blog,but it ran a little long which turned out to be fortunate as the same man showed up in the news again today. In April 2012 a Portland,OR man claiming security screeners were harassing him stripped naked in the security area and wouldn't put his clothes back on despite requests from TSA and police. The man explained that he flies a lot and it was a protest. He did not arrive at the airport with the intention of getting naked,but after being pulled aside for a pat-down after going through the metal detector he decided the most efficient way to handle the screening was to take his clothes off to show he wasn't carrying a bomb. He was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and indecent exposure. Today his case went to Federal Court and will be decided at a later date. His fine was $1,000. Sound like anyone you know??
In a somewhat related topic the first written instance of the phrase "skinny dipping" wasn't until 1966. I found this tidbit interesting,I would have guessed it would have been used much earlier.

Oregonization

I am back from my break,no saner for my efforts,but back none the less. Let me relate some of the reasons for this lack of sanity.
Have you ever noticed how at the security stations at the airport,that regardless of how long the lines are they only seem to have two stations open? That would be acceptable if the idea was to keep the expenses of the operation down and aggravate the passengers but there are always several TSA agents that seem to be in charge of milling around. It is entirely possible that I am missing the purpose of these extra agents,but I would still rather see additional lines opened than feel overly secure due to the milling factor,but that would speed things up and cause less stress so therefore should be avoided at any cost. Another mystery to me is why is it that someone that got a 10% senior discount at the kennel when she picked up her cats would be singled out for special scrutiny time after time. This time on the departing flight I was pulled out and frisked because I had a Kleenex in my pocket,not realizing that the new equipment would detect a piece of paper I hadn't bothered to remove it. Let's just stop and consider this

for a moment...they have changed the rules so you can bring certain knives on board but a seemingly harmless woman is under suspicion of terror by Kleenex?? But wait there's more!! When going through security on the return trip I was again pulled aside and frisked (nothing at all in the pockets this time) then they went through my wallet because they thought I had more than the usual amount of coins...I wish I had been aware that there would be a scene over coins I would have given them away or checked what the proper number of coins to carry was. Even this doesn't end the flight portion of the story, while waiting to board the return flight an agent got on the intercom to announce that boarding would be delayed 10-15 minutes because they had forgotten to load the meal onto the plane!?
I really shouldn't complain about the trials of travel since many people have neither the time nor money to travel at all,but I can't help recalling the past before the restrictions were in place and changed on a daily basis so you had no idea what kind of hoops you would be called on to jump through to prove that you aren't part of a terrorist cell formed to what? Terrorize gerontophobs?

Dressing a Hermit

Before I forget and publish this post without telling you,I wanted to let all you regular readers know that I am taking a break and should be back in about a week. With any luck I will come back with fresh fodder enough to last another year!
When it came time for Harry the hermit crab to don the gay apparel,or in reality move into a larger shell,he ignored the regular offerings of shells discarded by other animals and instead moved into a Lego shell that his keepers at Legoland had made for him. I don't know about everyone else,but I can't help but wonder what he would chose if given a choice between a Lego home or a Lincoln Log home!...Maybe I should write to the folk there with that suggestion so they can have it designed for his next upgrade?

Hang Ups

I was thinking about gallows humor,which I have in spades,and was wondering if anyone ever died of it? The name basically implies a certain risk. I didn't find out about anyone that died because of it but there are some humorous (at least to me!) last words.
Just as I had always assumed,gallows humor is a reaction to stressful,traumatic or life threatening situations. Freud's theory about gallows humor was the ego refuses to be distressed by reality,so instead it insists by way of humor,that it is not affected. Gallows humor also helps the morale of the oppressed.
Now a few last word quotes. A murderer was heard to say at his execution as he looked at the trapdoor on the gallows "Are you sure it's safe?" In another case of a murderer named James French,his last words before death by electric chair,"How's this for a headline? 'French Fries'."
Did anyone catch my bad pun from the title in relation to the subject?

Real Life Newman?

I think I have the right show,but if I don't it doesn't really matter as it isn't essential to the story. What I am referring to is an episode of Seinfeld where Newman,or maybe he spells it Neuman? (the postal worker) has been dumping all the mail from his route in a storage unit instead of delivering it. A German postal worker was accused by his fellow workers of throwing the mail away,because he finished his route more quickly. As it progressed into a court hearing he had worked out a quicker more efficient way to do his route. His immediate supervisor knew in part about his time saving methods and admitted they were logical,but were not within the accepted rules,so she had informally tolerated them. The court case was dismissed,and it isn't known whether he would have to conform to the less efficient way of working.
Stop me if I'm wrong,but maybe if the post office (in the US at least) would take a more efficient approach to their delivery service they wouldn't be in financial straits. Okay,off the soap box for the day!

May Day!

Have you ever wondered what the 1st of May and the distress signal "May Day" have in common? May is Get Caught Reading Month,so lets flip our calendars and get started!
5/1 Lei Day
5/2 National Day of Reason
5/3 Hug Your Cat Day (not all cats enjoy this holiday)
5/4 International Respect for Chickens Day
5/5 World Laughter Day
5/6 Buddha Day
5/7 National Teacher Day
5/8 No Socks Day
5/9 School Nurse Day
5/10 Windmill Day
5/11 Eat What You Want Day (I celebrate this every day)
5/12 Limerick Day
5/13 Frog Jumping Day
5/14 National Chicken Dance Day
5/15 National Chocolate Chip Day
5/16 National Sea Monkey Day
5/17 National Pizza Party Day
5/18 I Love Reeses Day
5/19 Neighbor Day
5/20 Eliza Doolittle Day
5/21 National Wait Staff Day ( give an extra big tip!)
5/22 Canadian Immigrants Day
5/23 World Turtle Day
5/24 International Tiara Day (Wear yours Jane!)
5/25 Cookie Monster's Birthday
5/26 Indianapolis 500
5/27 Cellophane Tape Day
5/28 Slugs Return from Capistrano Day
5/29 Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day
5/30 Loomis Day
5/31 What You Think Upon Grows Day