Clockwatchers Rejoice!

This is definitely a timepiece that bears watching,the Life Expectancy Timepiece determines how many ticks are left on your personal watch,and not the one you wear on your wrist. The timepiece combines different health factors and actuarial tables to predict the approximate time remaining in the user's life. When a person is going to die is a question that nags at the back of most peoples minds,but do they really want to know? I have a few questions about this device...Does it know when the batteries go dead that doesn't include the wearer? not to mention does it include an alarm to signal your last few days so you don't spend them doing something you dislike? can curiosity eventually kill you? Another item I can live without!

Sleep Diet

Which would you guess burns more calories,watching TV or sleeping? Believe it or not there is very little difference. A 160 pound person burns 69 calories an hour while sleeping,watching TV burns around 70 calories. A person will burn more calories sleeping if their body is cooler,so strip off those warm pajamas and heavy blankets and let your natural body heat do the work. One would also think that sleeping less and exercising instead of sleeping would work in your favor,but when your body gets less than 7 hours of sleep hormones that increase your appetite kick into high gear so not only are you likely to eat more you will also crave high calorie foods. Eating when you would normally be sleeping is another way to gain weight,the estimated weight gain from eating the same foods during your sleeping hours as compared with your waking hours is 48%! I thought this was all interesting stuff,though it never mentioned if watching action TV shows comedies,or other types of programs which tend to elevate respiration levels would burn more calories. Seems like a reasonable assumption to me.

Not Exactly Nike!

Though similar sounding to Nike's "Just Do It" slogan,Denmark's "Do It For Denmark" is about a victory of a different kind. Denmark is concerned over their lowest birthrate in decades and is worried that the elderly of the future will not receive proper care with a lower populated future workforce. Their solution? send couples on "procreation vacations". The belief is that Danes have 46% more sex on vacation and if that is not enough incentive a travel agency is sweetening the deal with 3 years supply of diapers (proof that the child was conceived on vacation is required). Silly me,I thought overpopulation was a problem!

Anti-War Camp

Sound too good to be true? It probably is,but my idea was to send world leaders to Drive A Tank adventure park in hope of venting their aggressiveness in a harmless setting. The park is located 70 miles southwest of Minneapolis,Minnesota and features several demilitarized vehicles,including a 60 ton Chieftain tank with a 22 foot barrel. Visitors to the 20 acre park are given a history of the vehicles and a course on safety,then they can choose from various packages. Once a package has been selected they drive a wooded obstacle course and can elect to smash a salvage vehicle. There is also an arsenal of machine guns for the gun enthusiast. If we could corral the world leaders at Drive A Tank they could have some hands on war games without endangering the rest of the world...in fact maybe we could use our tax dollars to keep them contained there rather than unleashing them on the real world!

In-Be-Twain

I am running late today as I got wound up in something and lost track of time,but I would like to share a Mark Twain quote with you that makes as much sense now as it did in his time.
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on,or by imbeciles who really mean it."
This is one by Will Rogers that goes along nicely with the above quote.
"There are men running governments who should not be allowed to play with matches."

Explain This

Ohio State Highway Patrol,firefighters and police officers in some other areas of the state are allowed to work as long as their blood alcohol content is below .04. I have respect for the police and firefighters,but who would want someone impaired making life and death decisions? never mind issuing tickets and carrying a gun. Drivers in OH. under the age of 21 can be cited for blood alcohol content above .02,meaning they could write tickets for a person that was more sober than they were. This rule is in their union contracts to protect them from being wrongfully accused of drinking on the job...does that make .04 blood alcohol any less impaired? Sorry,I don't get it the same should apply to all when it comes to blood alcohol levels and occupations shouldn't make a difference.

Best of the Worst

I don't watch much TV but I do enjoy a good commercial,though to much play time quickly ruins even the better ads. I had heard that ads were rated as if they were a show but didn't know they also rated the bottom of the barrel,the worst of the worst as it were. Out of the 5 commercials rated the top worst ads I had only seen one,though I didn't let that deter me. I read through the descriptions and other that 2 that were racist and one that was more on the ho-hum level I managed to come up with my own choices for the top 2 worst ads. At number 2 is Poo-Pourri,a spray for the toilet that is used before you make a stink. It features a woman sitting on the toilet telling how well the product has masked the smell and goes into more detail that is pretty tasteless which is the very reason I chose it as #2 of the worst. At number 1 is the K-Mart ad for free shipping if the item you wanted is out of stock...it is called "Ship My Pants",needless to say that isn't what it sounds like they are saying,once again tasteless but amusing.

Love Bra

This sounded like a good idea until I gave it a little thought,after considering what I figured to be a proper testing period for this product (several test subjects lifetimes) I decided it was just another electronic device for people that need a gadget for every aspect of their lives. The bra is rigged to unclasp when the wearer falls in love (seems like that could make for awkward moments). The bra has a built in heart monitor that wirelessly connects to a smartphone app. The manufacturer claims they have determined the specific heart rate that distinguishes a simple flirtation from true love. I was unable to find out how the bra knows the difference between an elevated heart rate from other causes (exercise,etc.) and am certain I will not be rushing out to purchase one anytime soon!

Creepy

Maybe it's just me,but I found what this gal had done to herself to look like a real life Barbie beyond odd. The first consideration is that if Barbie were a real person she would be more deformed than normal,so why would someone want to achieve that look? In her defense she is a model so maybe it is just me? She is 5'7" (I think Barbie would be taller) and her measurements are 34.6-18.5-34.6 which are somewhat close to Barbie's if she were a real person (39-18-33). Now for the truly crazy part...she lives on a liquid-only diet,how healthy could that be? of course she also believes she is from a different universe and can stop eating food and live off solar energy,good luck on that!

Before photo on the left

Where Elves Rule

In Iceland before construction can begin an Icelandic version of environmental impact is conducted. Your basic birds,animals and plants are considered,but just as important in the decision are the elves (aka huldufolk or hidden people). Even though only those with psychic powers can see the elves,60% of the population believe they exist,in fact 4 Icelandic holidays are connected with the hidden people: New Year's Eve,Twelfth Night (January 6) and Midsummer Night. The elves live in lava fields and if one of their churches are located in the lava formations and is destroyed by construction bad things will happen. The elf church is connected by light energy to other churches and places. The elves are represented by an environmental group called Friends of Lava who have the power to stop construction until the Supreme Court issues a final decision.

Squaring Off

Today's blog is just an interesting little tidbit that I came across and who knows? maybe I am the only one that didn't know about square watermelons. Around a decade ago the Japanese started growing square watermelons for a couple of reasons,they have small refrigerators and the square melons take up less space,plus they are easier to ship and handle in the square shape. Most fruits will grow into a square shape if they are placed in a square container when they first start growing and they need to remain in the container until they reach maturity. The container needs to be transparent so the sunlight gets to the melon. Other shapes can be grown as well,such as heart shaped...of course heart shaped melons would be more of a novelty item than a practical one,but still it would be fun to grow something different.

Clown Car

People tend to do silly/stupid things when they consume alcohol,but what are the chances of three people doing the same silly/stupid thing on the same night,in the same state,in the same town? My guess would be pretty slim,but that is what happened. In Readington Township,NJ a 34 year old woman was arrested for DUI,being too impaired to drive herself home she called her 24 year old friend who arrived at the police station to pick her up but since she was also impaired was arrested for DUI. The women put their heads together and called a 33 year old male friend to take them home...he arrived and being impaired was also arrested. Maybe it is just me but when I read about this the first mental picture I got was a clown car unloading,I know it wasn't the least bit funny for the three people but it seems like one person out of those three might have thought,"Hey,I can't help them out,I am drunk myself!" On the brighter side,maybe they can do community service together.

Non-Delivery

After waiting 1/2 hour at the courthouse this morning we were told the case had been dismissed. I was pleased as only 13 people had shown up for the jury and we were all dressed like bums so I could have been there for hours if not for the dismissal.
Today's blog is another postal related story,this one is set in rural Britain. An elderly couple (80 and 77) are being denied mail delivery after 33 years in the same cottage because their carrier is afraid of cows. The couple seemed to think the non-delivery was more due to laziness (not wanting to have to open and close a gate going in and out) than safety as the cows are old and tame. The couple now has to go into the local mail office to collect their mail and it is physically difficult for them to manage. The cows are only in that area for 6 months of the year so I am hoping a compromise can be reached. I couldn't find a picture of the cows so apparently they were unavailable for comment.

Jury Duty

I have to report for jury duty tomorrow so there may or may not be a blog. If nothing else it might supply me with fodder for future blogs. I will employ my dress like a bum plan and hope for the best!

Another Contradiction

The last I knew veterans received preference points when applying for work with the USPS,that being the case one would also assume they would hold jobs for employees away on active duty,but apparently that is not the case. Sgt. Major Richard Erickson started work with the Postal Service in 1988 after serving in the military,in 1990 he joined the National Guard and was fired in 2000 for taking too much time off to serve with the National Guard. After 13 years in the courts the USPS was ordered to reinstate him and compensate him $2 million in back pay and benefits,needless to say he didn't take his job at the Postal Service back,after fighting them for years what would be the point? It does give a whole new meaning to the phrase "going postal"!

Sounds Good...Except

Being a native Oregonian I was surprised to learn that Newberg,OR is home to a self-cleaning house. At first I thought,sign me up! but after thinking of some obvious flaws I'm not so sure. The self-cleaning house if built of cinder blocks and has maple floors protected with 10 coats of marine varnish, the floors slope slightly to corner drains. The rooms have nozzles mounted on the ceilings that spray a mixture of soap and water then rinse with clear water,after the wash cycle a blower drys the rooms,even dishes and laundry are done in the same cycle without any loading and unloading.The windows consist of the blocks turned sideways to allow light in,they are then sealed,some of the windows hold knick knacks and colored glass. Now for the drawbacks...all the furnishings have to be waterproof,so acoustically it wouldn't work well,plus where would that leave a person with an electronics fetish? Nope,I think on second thought I will stick with my old house. Sorry to say after considerable time searching I was unable to find any pictures of the house though there is a video that shows an interview with the woman that designed it recorded inside of the house, it doesn't show much of the house itself.

Project Panda

Today I had lunch with a friend,we then went for a drive as she hadn't seen any eagles in a while and they can normally be found along the riverfront. We spent two hours driving around to their usual haunts without spotting a single eagle,but this did not dampen our spirits as we enjoyed several trips down various memory lanes. One thing we repeatedly noticed in our meanderings was the amount of bamboo that is growing in the area and we decided a good project for the city and tourist industry in general would be to procure a panda. Once the panda was purchased he or she could be moved to the various patches of bamboo and a map would direct the tourists to several possible panda properties. A panda eats 20-40 lbs of bamboo per day but can consume up to 84 lbs (much like myself on a hungry day!). About 99% of a panda's diet is bamboo but they also will eat bugs,fruit,bulbs,other grasses and occasionally small rodents,birds and fish. Another plus is they do well in wet climates...Yes,this area needs a panda!

Gauging My Education

This may sound terribly naive but only recently did I realize that the big earrings called gauges are actually holes as big as they look like. I had erroneously assumed it was just an earring made to look like you had a big hole in your ear...in my defense I couldn't imagine why anyone would want a hole as big as their earlobe,or in some instances bigger than their earlobe. I asked a young man about his piercing/stretching and he told me they were 1 inch and it had taken 4 years to stretch them to that size (anything over 10 mm size is beyond the point of return size wise). He also told me about a guy he knew that was up to 5 inch,needless to say I was stunned. It seems to me that one would have to start out with a large earlobe to get it to stretch to 5 inches,I am guessing that all that is left at that point is a thin ribbon of your original earlobe. Historically stretching/ piercings date back to ancient times and apparently I didn't get the memo that it was back in style,but hey! what's another hole in your head?

Weird Wake Up Call

When I heard that the sleep aid Ambien was having some success waking up coma patients,I was immediately filled with questions. One of my first thoughts was how did they discover that? Why would anyone give a coma patient sleeping pills? and of course the more standard thought,how would it work? The answer to the first was an accidental sort of discovery,the coma patient was thrashing around and the doctor prescribed the Ambien in hopes of calming them into a more restful state. The how it works makes sense too. Ambien comes with warnings that it may cause bizarre sleepwalking,sleepeating,sleeptalking,even sleepdriving,aka "paradoxical excitation". These accidental discoveries are leading to more research in comas but at the present it isn't expected to help more than 10% of the patients treated.

Healthy Snack?

The healthiest snacks are fruits ,veggies and nuts. Popcorn has always been thought of as a healthy snack too until a Colorado man was awarded $7.2 million for "popcorn lung", a disease caused from years of inhaling the aroma of microwave popcorn. The disease was first noticed in popcorn factory workers and is caused by inhaling a chemical in the popcorn. Most of the major popcorn manufacturers banned the chemical,but there are other chemicals used to coat the microwave bags to make them fire resistant that are likely to be carcinogenic. The manufacturers claim that it poses little threat if used in moderation...but what else could they say? Eat our popcorn and die??? The answer for the popcorn addict is to go with an air popper,or the old fashion methods.

Here Kitty,Kitty

I'm not sure what to think about the Portland cat who trapped its family (including the dog) in a bedroom prompting the father to call 911 for assistance. First of all in defense of the family it is a 22 pound cat,who they claim has a history of violence and had just scratched a 7 month old baby in the face...in the cats defense the father had just kicked the cat which was the cause of its rage and if they had previous problems with the feline why hadn't corrective measures been taken? When the officers arrived the cat ran to the kitchen and jumped atop the refrigerator (my 20 lb. cat isn't able to vertically propel his portly self as high as the clothes dryer,the fridge is totally out of the question),where they were able to snare it and put it in a carrier. The family doesn't want to get rid of the cat so they are seeking help for it...I hope they realize they will have to participate in the cat's rehab,otherwise outside training is not the answer. This doesn't seem to be a case of an animal suddenly snapping,it seems like it may have been getting its own way for some time.

Another Misnomer

The more I find out about the original ingredients of soft drinks the more I wonder why they were collectively called soft drinks. Most of us are aware that Coca-Cola originally contained cocaine and claimed to be a health drink. I guess because it was often used for upset stomachs I had mostly thought of 7-UP as an innocent "soft" drink,once again,not true. Launched in 1929 two weeks before the stock market crash,7-UP's original name was "Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon Lime Soda",and in case you didn't catch it in the name it contained lithium citrate,a mood stabilizing drug popular in the early 20th century and still in use today for some mental disorders. The exact origin of the name 7-UP is unclear other than the inventor claiming it could cure 7 types of hangovers. The lithium stayed in the formula until 1950,when it was removed because of potential side effects.

A Triangle

My first thought when I heard about the missing Malaysian 777 was,"How do you lose track of an airplane?" After reading several articles about the incident I am no closer to answering that question. The flight left from Kuala Lumpur (the Malaysian capital) with 239 people on board Saturday bound for Beijing. The flight reached cruising altitude and dropped off the radar. After three days of searching no debris has been found to indicate an explosion. The US reviewed American spy satellite imagery for evidence of an explosion but found nothing. Two men boarded the flight with stolen passports (apparently they don't have the strict airport laws in place there) but it is unknown if they are connected to the disappearance. Three days seems like adequate time to find signs of wreckage so I'm thinking either a Malaysian Triangle (similar to The Bermuda Triangle) or alien abduction...they both make as much sense as a 777 vanishing into thin air. It is hard to hold out hope after three days time but it would be miraculous if it were turn up,one can only hope at this point.

Peeled/Skinned

The expression "keep your eyes peeled" (or skinned depending on region) is one of those sayings that doesn't sound like a wise or comfortable thing to do with one's eyes. As often is the case with idioms the exact origin is debatable. The meaning of the phrase is to be alert and observant. While some believe it to simply mean to keep your eyes open,as in peeling (opening) a banana. I prefer a more historically based explanation. In the 1820s in Britain Sir Robert Peel established the first organized police force. The officers were known as peelers or bobbies. They were expected to be observant and to keep their eye "peeled" as per their founder's orders.

Crazy Times

Maybe I am missing something but facial hair transplants seem like an odd way to spend $6-$8,500. For centuries men have complained about the need to shave but with the current style dictating facial hair ranging from 5o'clock shadow,full beards,or elaborate patterns,men have turned to shaving their heads instead of their faces? To my further astonishment some of the transplanted hair is merely placed on faces in order to have something to shave off! To think of all the years men have scoffed at womens vanity...oh well,on the upside they claim it is painless.

Sticky Situation

Occasionally I have posted lists of lesser known phobias,yet this one took me by surprise. Oprah suffers from this phobia, the fear of chewing gum,yes,you read that right! The technical name is Chiclephobia. Once you find out how she came to have this fear,it doesn't seem that weird. Her grandma used to collect gum (how weird is that?),I assume used gum,and keep it in rows on the family cabinet,it sickened Oprah and led to a lifelong fear. She is so repelled by gum chewing that it was banned at her television studio. I thought this phobia was way out there,then I realized I have the same phobia but a much milder case,I find it more annoying than scary. Some people look like a herd of bovines (nothing against cows mind you!) when they chew gum, but like a traffic accident or a TV that is on but you don't want to watch, chewing gum draws your attention especially when combined with gum snapping. I wonder how Oprah manages to walk on a sidewalk? Most everywhere I walk the sidewalks are permanently littered with gum.

More Odd Laws

There are many laws that are outdated but still on the books. Sometimes they are comical if you give any thought to the how and why they ever became laws. I enjoy looking through the more obscure laws,but some are disturbing. Today I am including a couple of laws concerning alcohol that are head scratchers. In Alabama about two out of three counties prohibit the production,distribution,and sale of alcohol,no problem with that,however Alabama does permit the sale of fireworks,tobacco and firearms with very few restrictions and regulations. No permits are required to purchase,no licensing of owners,and no registration of weapons,even handguns...this includes young children! Maybe it's just me,but it seems a bit off,of course it does explain the jokes about the state being a little backward!

Do You Feel Lucky?

Recently while doing a trivia quiz I discovered black cats aren't a symbol of bad luck worldwide,in Europe and the US they were historically connected to witchcraft,and even in present times black cats in the US and the UK are less likely to be adopted. The opposite is true in Asian countries,particularly Japan where they are considered lucky.
You may have heard that in the US whistling before a performance is said to bring bad luck,but in most of Asia whistling at night is thought to attract ghosts or snakes. Russians believe that whistling indoors will bring poverty upon the house,so I guess whistling isn't always the cheerful thing it sounds like.
How about the 5,000 year old walking under ladders brings bad luck? Other than the obvious hazards involved with ladders here are a few more: In ancient Egypt walking under a ladder was unlucky as a ladder leaning against a wall created a triangle,a shape they considered sacred. In Christian beliefs it was unlucky because the three points of the shape represented the Holy Trinity. In Asia criminals used to be hung from the 7th rung of a leaning ladder. The funny thing to me about walking under ladders is they are usually in the way and walking around them could prove more hazardous that walking under them!

From Stick Figures To Artist

I have heard of animals creating art but didn't realize that the trend (at least for elephants) begin in the US with an Asian elephant named Ruby. Ruby was born in Thailand to a working (logger) mother and shipped to the Phoenix Zoo in 1974 when she was about 7 months old. She lived there with a goat and some chickens for a period of time,eventually it became apparent that Ruby was lonely and bored (elephants are social creatures). Her keepers noticed her scratching in the dirt with a stick and decided to offer her a brush and paints. Ruby really bloomed with her art and had several one artist shows. She would indicate the colors she wanted to use for the pieces as she worked on them and was quite particular when choosing her colors. Her most expensive painting sold for $25,000,the proceeds from her artwork went into the zoo's endangered animal fund. Sadly Ruby died in 1998 from complications with a pregnancy. I couldn't find any examples of Ruby's art,but several other Asian elephants have picked up where Ruby left off. The profits from their labor go into an Asian Elephant Conservation Fund.

A Picture of Ruby at work

The above paintings are by two different elephants

Duty

Duty is one of those words that no matter who is saying it,it always sounds less than pleasant,or maybe that is just me? Go ahead, say it several times and see if you find it pleasing to your ear and let me know what you think. Now to get on with the subject at hand,this morning as I was getting ready to leave the house I nearly gave myself heart failure when I realized it was March 3rd,the reason for this self inflicted fright was that I have Jury Duty this month and the 3rd is the first day for my group. I dropped what I was doing and found the notice and read it through again only to discover that I didn't need to do anything until this afternoon after 3, I breathed a sigh of relief and out the door I went. I wanted to let you readers know that this may interfere with my ability to post a blog on a daily basis so you wouldn't be left wondering why  I had nothing to say. I do have a plan in place and it has worked for me before...all a person needs to do to lessen their chances of being chosen is to report for duty dressed like a bum (for me that doesn't take much extra effort!). They always seem to choose the jurors that are dressed nicely which leaves me off the hook. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind it if I did have to serve but I have been called 3 different times and the one time I did have to serve I was ready to pull my hair out (or someone else's hair) within the first 30 minutes. Most of the other jurors had sidetracked what the trial was about and were busy drawing a diagram of how the defendant had left the parking lot of a convenience store,which had nothing to do with the case. I finally spoke up and pointed out that fact and we were able to move on swiftly from that point to find him guilty and go our own ways. Wish me luck!

Worrying

Today's post was a bit of a stretch to tie together and it is entirely possible I will be the only one to understand the connection,but here it goes anyway!
I have been trying to contact a friend (who is also a carpenter) for several days to see about some repair work. He has never had much use for phones which makes contacting him a challenge. When he didn't answer again today I idly wondered if he was okay,but dismissed that thought and told myself not to be a worry wart. My next thought was what a weird phrase worry wart was and I wondered how it came about. As often is the case there isn't a clear answer,but one suggestion was a handbook found in mental hospitals used it to describe exceptionally neurotic patients (1956). Another possibility was a 1950s comic strip (Out Our Way) featuring a character named Worry Wart,though it may have been in use before either of those publications.
Next I want to ask you what you mentally connect to warts...NO,not frogs! witches. Shortly after the worry wart episode I discovered that the Salem,MA police department has a witch on a broom as its logo. See,I told you it was a stretch! As a reward for your time I wrote a limerick for your enjoyment.
We all have our moments of worry
They make trouble and cause us to hurry.
But no need for a frown,
Don't let it get you down,
Or your sanity will be gone in a flurry!

Forward March

I'm somewhat indifferent to the month of March,it isn't really spring yet,but mostly not winter either (in a good year). March is Humorists Are Artists Month.
3/1 Sock Monkey Day
3/2 Dr. Seuss Day
3/3 What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs? Day
3/4 Unique Names Day
3/5 Discover What Your Name Means Day
3/6 National Doodle Day
3/8 International Women's Day
3/9 Get Over It Day
3/10 Napping Day (someday I will master this art)
3/11 Dream 2014 Day
3/12 Girl Scout Birthday Day (celebrate with a cookie!)
3/13 Smart and Sexy Day
3/14 Potato Chip Day (also Pi Day for you mathematically inclined)
3/15 Buzzard Day
3/16 Lips Appreciation Day (where would you be without them?)
3/17 National Irish Coffee Day
3/18 Awkward Moments Day
3/19 Kick Butts Day
3/20 Alien Abduction Day
3/21 Memory Day (don't forget!)
3/22 As Young As You Feel Day
3/23 OK Day
3/24 National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
3/25 Pecan Day
3/26 Purple Day
3/27 Education and Sharing Day
3/28 Barnum & Bailey Day
3/29 National Mom & Pop Business Owner's Day
3/30 Honest Day
3/31 National "She's Funny That Way" Day
As always enjoy your month!