Do Not Pass Go

After reading about this I can now state with certainty that I  have truly heard it all. A company called Bark.com  is looking for Professional McDonald's Monopoly players,the job description is driving around to several McDonald's during the course of the day and collecting Monopoly game pieces. The pay,believe it or not,is $61 per hour plus mileage and the cost of two McDonald's meals and there is also the possibility of bonus money if the Pro Player collects the stickers necessary for the big win. Maybe I'm just a dyed in the wool pessimist but I can't imagine paying someone to play a game for you when all you might win is a milk shake or fries which is far more likely that hitting a grand prize,but there is always the gamblers among us who are willing to pay their money and take their chances.

Boerne Again

I heard a blurb about this "race" at the end of the news a couple of days ago but didn't get around to checking it out until today. A town in Texas (Boerne) has already met the limit of participants for their first ever 0.5 K fun run on May 5th. The race starts at one brewery and ends a third of a mile later at another brewery. At the starting line participants receive a free beer,150 meters into the race there is a doughnut /coffee station right next to the smoking section and for those who complete the race there is another free beer at the finish line. For those who still feel like this is farther than they care to walk/crawl/run there will be rides from start to finish in a 1963 VW bus available for an extra $25. All proceeds go to Blessings in a Backpack. I think this kind of event allows even the less athletic among us to participate in a race they can complete plus knowing their entry fee is going to a good cause.

The Holiday

Today is the seventh anniversary of a special UK holiday. It is Ed Balls day (Ed Balls was shadow chancellor until he retired in 2015)  which started in 2011 when his assistant urged him to google his name to read an article about himself. As he was in a grocery store at the time he put his name in as a tweet instead of a search and was then interrupted,he hit send and put his phone in his pocket. People found the tweet hilarious and it instantly went viral. I'm still not sure what this is all about unless  the twitter crowd made his last name into a verb?  At any rate it is now celebrated yearly with various holiday traditions depending on how deeply you believe in Ed Balls?

Homegrown

Since I don't want people to think I unfairly target other states/countries when their citizens engage in less than stellar acts today's post features one of Oregon's own. An officer in an unmarked unit was sitting in an Albertson's parking lot when he recognized a convicted felon who was wanted on a warrant for a parole violation related to unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. Okay here's the part that reveals there was a rocket scientist at work,the man wanted for the warrant was riding a Ducati motorcycle with vanity plates reading "XFELON". The first officer went in pursuit and was joined by a marked car as the wanted man sped down side streets reaching speeds between 80-100 MPH. He was finally captured when he reached a dead end. The man then claimed it hadn't been him on the bike. A seriously bad choice in stolen rides.

Cubicle Prep?

After reading about the "cry closet" in a Utah college I was taken aback by the thought that college age kids would need or use something that would seem more at home in a kindergarten classroom. I guess I was thinking that people of that age group were more like the fierce bunch of kids that spoke out after the Parkland School shooting,then again I don't know as though anyone but the designer of the "cry closet" actually thought one was needed. The idea behind the closet was a place to be able to relax,cry if needed,calm down and in general physically remove yourself from the stress. It is basically an art installation meant to spark debate and has accomplished that task admirably. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if this generation was simply cut from a different cloth than the generation I grew up in.

Highway to Hell

That song is actually playing on the radio even as I type! Good old AC/DC gets a nod because it seemed appropriate for today's post which is about Satanists adopting a highway in Arizona and from all reports working like the devil to keep it clean and possibly using pitchforks to implement the cleanup. Their reasoning is nothing nefarious as they only wanted to show that they weren't bad people and only wanted to give to the community like regular citizens. They don't necessarily believe in the devil they just don't believe in a god. I was surprised to learn that along with paperwork to adopt a stretch of highway there is also a fee to pay. It seems odd to have to pay to work...maybe the fee is to keep the riff raff from cleaning the highways!

Proofreading

I don't contest English being a tricky language but even with or maybe especially with spell checker things can go south quickly without good old fashioned proofreading. Today's post is a prime example. Though it is good to  use as much of any animal who is slaughtered for meat as possible I don't think that was the intention on this package of sausages found in an Australian supermarket. I won't say any more about the error just to see how many of you can spot it without further assistance.

Free Ride

Anyone looking for a summer job? Harley Davidson may have just the thing for you,they are calling it "Find Your Freedom" which consists of a 12 week internship where you learn how to ride motorcycles and document your adventures on social media. It isn't mentioned what the rate of pay is but you get to keep the bike at the end of the 12 weeks which by itself would be good pay. Applications are being accepted through May 11 and though they are looking for junior and seniors in college they would pretty much have to consider anyone who applied or it would be age discrimination.

Nice Try

I'm not sure how I missed this as National Puppy Day was nearly a month ago but better late than never. The Republican National Committee intended to cash in on the holiday by offering a "Make America Great Again" leash. Claiming to make your walks great again the MAGA item didn't fair too well with pet owners. Here's what a few had to say:
You've abused enough of us, our standing, our prestige, our environment, way too many women; please don't also abuse the animals.
My dogs are too smart to be a member of GOP The dogs believe in Science, Climate Change, Female Reproductions Rights and don’t like Trump because he never had a dog They are Democrats. They know about Russia and Trump’s Treason
NEVER. NEVER will my pup EVER be subjected to any abuse like that. NEVER
My dog is smarter than most Republicans in Congress.
The perfect accessory for @SpeakerRyan and @DevinNunes.

Double Distraction

Distracted driving seems to have taken on a life of its own and as laws are passed prohibiting one distraction another distraction is waiting in the wings to take the next opening. I feel compelled to say that no one is so important that they need to be on the phone while they're driving,there was a saying before phone message recorders or cell phones that if it was important they would call back,the same holds true today. But I digress as this distraction is not about phones,it is about a couple on a Taiwan highway having sex at 40 mph,seriously NOTHING is as important as the task at hand when you are behind the wheel. The only fortunate thing about this particular debauchery was the passenger in the other car filmed the couple rather than the driver. If the couple had been stopped they would have only faced a fine of between $814 and $952 depending on which currency you calculated with,I figured it would be the same amount but there was a difference between British pounds and TWD,no idea why that would be.

Oh Crap!

Talk about a crappy deal,a small town in Alabama (Parrish) got stuck with a train load of sewage from New York for two months. I had no idea that New York exported their crap to the south for disposal in landfills,it just seems wrong on so many levels. One article said it was partially treated sewage but that failed to stop or lessen the stench of 10 million pounds in the 400 containers that were stranded due to the town near the receiving landfill (Adamsville) getting an injunction to stop the transfer of the waste from the train to trucks. The trucks eventually came to offload the waste matter and haul it the rest of the way. As you might guess the town still has a lingering smell which has canceled many outdoor activities and  air conditioners couldn't run without bring the smell into the homes. 

$$ to Sense

Time for some quotes about everybody's favorite? subject:
"Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million." Arnold Schwarzenegger
 "All I want is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." Spike Milligan
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned,to buy things they don't want,to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers
"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty." Groucho Marx
"I never had a penny to my name. So I changed my name." Henny Youngman
"Money can't buy friends,but you can get a better class of enemy." Spike Milligan
"I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money." Pablo Picasso

Going For the Gold

What would your event be if you could choose your own Olympic event? Here are a few suggested events should they ever decide to broaden the scope to include lesser known talents:
Drinking coffee
Tweeting
Sex
Eating Pizza
Making an awesome drink
Ice golf
Running from your responsibilities
Beer pong
I would excel and possibly win if sarcasm were an Olympic event.

Clever Disguise

Maybe it's just me but it seems like criminals are  not really  up to the challenges facing their chosen profession,for instance a burglar in a Georgia Gamestop used the clear plastic wrap from a case of bottled water in an attempt to mask his identity. Seriously,why bother at all if you can't do any better than clear plastic. Of course Georgia is a close neighbor of Florida so that should be considered. Panhandlers often leave me scratching my head as well when they think they are going to get the big bucks if they carry a gas can asking for gas money,I will happily fill the gas can for them and will always buy a meal for someone in need but I'm not a sucker. Oh,and also if a panhandler is a smoker they should treat that habit like they were at a real job and not smoke until a break time as people figure if they can afford cigarettes they probably don't need spare change.

https://www.facebook.com/stmaryspdga/videos/2264295090263880/?t=51
This is a link of the video of the burglar,it may or may not work I can't tell until after it is posted. 

Neither,Nor

I have neither interest in becoming a nude house cleaner nor employing one,however The Naturist Cleaners are a fast growing business in the UK with 300 employees. I don't know how or who conceived the idea of nude cleaning but the pay is pretty impressive,starting at $43 an hour to $64.50. If none of that strikes you as odd then maybe the fact that most people using the service request a certain body type and it's not what one would think,it's women of an experienced age and fuller figure that are most in demand. Out of the 300 cleaners working for the company they  have both sexes and many body types available. I do hope they aren't using caustic cleaning agents,that would raise the risk factor considerably.