Fun Finish

Since so many people are having babies at the end of this year I thought some quotes about children might be of assistance to the new parents in the years to come.
Having children is like having a bowling alley in your brain. Martin Mull
Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. Robert Byrne
Having one child makes you a parent;having two,you are a referee. David Frost
There's no such thing as a tough child. If you parboil them first for seven hours,they always come out tender. W.C. Fields
A two year old is like having a blender,but you don't have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller
Never have children,only grandchildren. Gore Vidal
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life,at the drop of a hat,you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. Erma Bombeck.
Happy New Year!

Minor Flaw

Though the Spanish Mattress company Durmet claims they extensively tested their new Smarttress it seems to me that they may have overlooked one small detail. The Smarttress was designed to be able to tell the difference when the bed was being used by a sexual partner that was not part of the couple who owns the bed,then send a text message to inform the partner who was being cheated on. Oh the wonders of technology! but wait if a couple paid $2,100 for a new mattress wouldn't they both know about what the mattress was capable of? Apparently infidelity is rampant in Spain and as creepy as it seems the preferred location for most indiscretions is the marital bed,still I can't imagine anyone forgetting what the bed was capable of in a moment of lust,and if they did would the mattress company be named in the divorce?

Craig's Cure

For a change today's post is actually a bit ahead of the holiday it's  meant to cover which is unusual as I normally find information that pertains to any holiday after the holiday has already occurred,of course the timeliness of this post is in no way an indication of it ever happening again. Daniel Craig of James Bond fame,and several other roles, has a never fail hangover cure or so he claims. The panacea is Pedialyte. My first thought was wouldn't any sports drink be just as good at replacing electrolytes and re-hydrating? The answer is no,both drinks contain electrolytes,carbohydrates and potassium,but Pedialyte has more potassium plus the secret ingredient,sodium which helps the body retain water to facilitate swifter re-hydration. Of course unless you're in a really bad way sports drinks are cheaper and more easily obtainable,but for those of you with the ability to plan your hangovers Pedialytes is a sure thing according to Mr. Craig.

Nothing Noticeably Nice

As the old adage goes,don't say anything at all (if you don't have anything nice to say),but it isn't my problem that as precedent, oops,that's president elect he is going to need to get a little less upset over real or imagined slights. In this case his likeness has been made into a rooster at a mall in China. I hope he can find it in his heart to not be offended since it is the year of the rooster that they are celebrating rather than outwardly making fun of him,of course that doesn't explain how last month he was compared to a pheasant elect in China's People's Daily. However if he wants something to be upset about I have discovered that I'm not the only one that thinks he both looks and acts like a T. Rex,minus the hairdo,and we all know what happened to the dinosaurs.

Maybe Next Year

It's a little late for this year's Christmas menu but if you're so inclined you can spend the coming year planning your next holiday dinner. A few choices to consider: Greenland's traditional Christmas dinner consists of a whole Arctic bird (beak,feathers,feet and all) fermented for months inside a hollowed out seal it is called kiviak. Since the 1970s Japan has feasted on KFC for the holiday. In the Philippines the choices vary from Italian options to a boned chicken stuffed with a mix of Spam,Edam cheese,and canned Vienna sausages (this actually sounds like it might be good). In South Africa they dine on mopane,caterpillars of the emperor moth whose cycle is in line with the Christmas holiday.

A Weird Thought

As oftentimes is the case I have no idea what made me think about why you don't see elephants with pierced ears..or noses (trunks) for that matter. Don't get me wrong I don't want to see any animal caused pain for no reason but in the past elephants were seen with rather elaborate headpieces and other decorative attire so it only follows that at some point someone would have decided to make the decoration more permanent. While I was thinking about elephants with jewelry my mind went to tattooing and I thought what a perfect way to age progress a tattoo so someone could see what it would look like when they got older! of course tattooing an elephant would also border on abusive treatment. Just another mental stroll that ended up going off the rails. Back to the drawing board.
 

Playing Catch Up?

In the last several weeks I have been seeing more and more weirdness happening in Wyoming,in fact a couple of days ago I posted one such event about the PBJ burglar. I can't help but wonder if some sort of competition is going on between Florida and Wyoming,kind of a "hold my beer and watch this" type of thing. The latest Wyoming weirdness (I even get to use alliteration!) occurred around midnight when neighbors called the police about a woman running a forklift. When the police arrived they found a 49 year old woman with her van lifted by the forklift and a beer in her hand. She explained that she had lost her keys and need to move the van to a different part of the driveway. The police found more Sierra Nevada Pale Ale in a makeshift cooler inside the forklift. She blew a very respectable 0.126 (the legal limit is .08),she was also wearing flip flops which is an OSHA violation when operating a forklift.

Crickmas Dinner

Sadly this may come to pass considering that a certain party has decided it is time to up the ante on the nuclear arms race,but I digress. If you have an aversion to eating insects you are in a minority as 80% of the world's population eats insects. A New York chef who is pro insect offers cooking tips on how to incorporate insects into your meals or how to use them to replace traditional foods. He claims crickets have a nutty,cheesy,buttery flavor and that they may be a "gateway bug" that make people take interest in eating insects. Shown below is a cricket roast which consist of crickets,cricket flour,onions,garlic,mushrooms,green lentils and topped with pomegranate seeds. Other insect intense meals are also shown.

Lazy or Lame?

It must be my fascination with dumb criminals that repeatedly draws me back to their feeble attempts at their chosen profession,but I can't seem to figure out if they are too lazy to make their crimes work,or if they are too lame to consider the mistakes that end up being their downfall. Today's example is a 26 year old male  burglar in Wyoming who left behind a half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich while robbing an equipment store in the early part of September. The police sent it in for DNA testing and by the time they had the results he had committed two more burglaries at the same business and two at a J.C. Penney where he left a coffee cup with matching DNA. The man had pawned the power equipment and tools but was still in possession of jewelry from Penney's. How hard would it have been for him to either eat the sandwich before or after? and the coffee cup? Chances are if he had bothered throwing the cup into a trash receptacle no one would have noticed it. Maybe they really do want to be caught.

Please Pet People

This time of year brings out the best and the worst in people and it is upsetting to see how many people give pets as gifts always insisting they will have a good home,sorry that just isn't true. First of all a person should be able to choose their own pet when they are ready,and no not everyone will be a good home. Secondly I see so many people posting kittens and puppies on Facebook in an attempt to find homes,come on people if you love animals have them spayed or neutered then you don't end up endangering these tiny animals,plus it ends the cycle of too many pets not enough homes or take them to your local shelter where they can screen the future owners and also to ensure these animals are neutered. A sad case in point an Indiana policeman was called about cries coming from a dumpster where he found a litter of seven puppies abandoned in freezing weather. He wrapped them in his duty jacket and took them to the local shelter. Had no one heard the cries or not cared those puppies would have frozen to death.

Your Inner Animal

It feels like time for something on the humorous side so I will turn to a couple of the Ig Nobel Prize winners for this year. The prize for biology was shared this year,Thomas Thwaites won for living as a goat for three days,he made plastic hooves for his "four legs",wore a helmet for head butting and dined on grass. The co-winner,Charles Foster lived as a badger,an otter,a fox,a red deer and a swift. He claims that humans don't make use of their five senses as much as animals do. Humans only use vision according to Foster leaving us with only 20% of the overall information available to our senses. Personally I think he is way off on this,I use smell as much if not more than vision and taste is up there as well,hearing and touch not so much. Both men have books available about their experiences if you want to learn more,"GoatMan:How I Took a Holiday From Being Human" and "Being a Beast".

Looking Back to Our Future

I don't think today's post warrants narration,the images speak for themselves.