Sympathy Sales?

The long time readers know that I enjoy clever commercials and eventually get agitated by poor ads. Recently two have made my agitated list,one is a woman who is having trouble cleaning her dirty tile...gee,maybe it is because she is in her nightie? I thought we were working at not using sex appeal to sell,once again showing what my thinking is worth. The second is a local commercial for a Ford dealership that is moving its location. The owner pleads with you to please buy the cars on his lot so he doesn't have to move them. Excuse me but what could be easier to move than cars? I mean they already have wheels on them,it isn't like he has to move pianos up several flights of stairs,plus it is only around a 5 mile move so it won't make a significant mileage difference. Did I mention this individual's last name is Gouge? An unfortunate name for anyone in sales.

Would You Like Chips With That?

Apparently St. Eriks India Pale Ale is one special beer. How special is it? It is so special that Sweden's St. Eriks Brewery enlisted the Swedish National Culinary Team to make a first class snack to go with their first class beer. The end result were handcrafted chips with the perfect balance of the various ingredients which include matsutake mushrooms and truffle seaweed. The price? A box of five chips sells for $56. or $11.20 per chip. The good news is the proceeds from the sales went to charity.

Crazy Eights

Vanity license plates are one of those things that make me wonder not only how they were so aptly named but  why they would be so important that people would pay more for them not once,but over and over each time they are renewed. I guess it is one of those things suitable for the phrase "Not my circus,not my monkeys". Of course there are countries where it is even more important than it is in the US. In China 8 is considered the luckiest number so it only stands to reason that people would go to great lengths (and expense) to have the coveted 8's on their license plates. One man after paying more for his license plate of "88888" ($149,000) than he had paid for his truck didn't find the luck he had hoped for as he was stopped eight (there's that 8 again!) times the first day because the police were certain the plate was bogus.

Speedy Service?

I've been thinking about this one for several hours now but still can't get it to add up to something that makes sense. Police in Phoenix pursued a man in a "low speed chase" for an outstanding warrant. The man pulled into an In-N-Out Burger drive thru, placed an order and picked it up then preceded to a residential neighborhood before pulling over. Is it just me? or does this read like the start of a joke or maybe a commercial for In-N-Out? I don't believe I've ever heard the term "low speed chase" before. It makes it sound like the police were after a young child on a trike. And what's up with just waiting while he not only places an order but receives it? Couldn't the police just walked up to his vehicle at that time? Oh well,at least no one was injured in the ever dangerous "low speed chase".

Pardon Me...

Sometimes it seems like technology has went way to far in directions where it wasn't really needed which in turn has led to people communicating less and less in the conventional way (face to face). For example a future app for your phone is waiting to partner with a clothing line so if you fail to close the zipper on your pants withing 8 seconds after buttoning the button a text message is sent to your phone called "your personal pervert alert". The tentative name for the app is Notifly. Though it isn't  a particularly comfortable experience to inform someone when their zipper is down it still seems like the right way to handle it without getting technology involved,or maybe I'm becoming an old fogy?

Parroting

This poor parrot was just doing its job when it repeated the sweet nothings it had heard its owner whisper. The problem was they were not whispered to the owner's wife which in turn caused her to become suspicious. After exposing the affair to the wife she took the bird to the police as proof of her husbands adultery but the police rejected the bird as evidence saying it could have heard the phrases from the TV or radio,which was fortunate for the husband as adultery in Kuwait is illegal and punishable by a prison sentence or forced hard labor. Having owned parrots I tend to believe the bird was repeating what it heard the owner say so it is probably a good thing for the husband that I don't work for his local police station!

Bear With Me

I guess bears are a common problem this time of year in areas with large bear populations,but I can't help but wonder if part of the problems are'nt caused by those people who can't seem to resist feeding wild animals. It has certainly caused a deer over population where I live as they have twins every year since their food supply is above average and of course they can't be hunted within the city limits so it is up to mother nature to send down a plague to get their numbers under control,that or the mountain lions will follow their prey and grab a few domesticated treats as long as they are in town. But once again I digress...I started out about a bear in Colorado who opened the door of an SUV climbed in and set to chewing up the interior which also included the gear shift lever. The vehicle was shifted out of park and rolled across the road crashing into a tree. The park and wildlife officers were called to get the uninjured bear out of the SUV,but the vehicle's owner didn't think his insurance covered bears chewing it up...maybe it could be counted as an act of God?

Donuts to Drugs

An Orlando man (yes,Florida again) is suing both the city and the maker of a road side drug test kit after his arrest for possessing Krispy Kreme donut glaze. When the man was stopped for speeding the officer noticed a "rock like"substance on the floor of the man's car (now it is a crime to have a dirty car?) and searched the car. The officer then tested the "rock like" substance which showed positive for methamphetamine (that explains the donuts popularity!) and arrested the man. The man spent 10 hours in jail and his mug shot is permanently on the internet and after the state performed another test on the substance he was cleared of the possession charge. Just for the record I am in no way promoting the use or possession of drugs but something seems terribly amiss when donut glaze tests positive for drugs.

It's All Relative

This might be old news for some of you but it was news to me because as a rule I don't keep up with much pop culture. George Clooney and Tom Hanks are both distant cousins of Abraham Lincoln from his mother's side (Nancy Hanks). Isn't it odd that George is also actively involved in human rights? Tom has always known he was related to Lincoln and often did essays on Lincoln for school,he was also offered the part of Lincoln in the Spielberg film but he dropped out of the running because of his height not measuring up to that of the great statesman. I don't know if I would have seen the facial similarities without knowing of their relationships but I do see several now that I do know.

A Penny Saved

Ally Bank had a good idea with their lucky penny contest but I'm not sure it will hit the intended mark. The campaign involved hiding 100 lucky pennies worth $1,000 each in 10 US cities (Austin,Texas;Charlotte,North Carolina;Chicago,Detroit,Denver,Los Angeles,Miami,New York City,San Diego,and Washington,D.C.) with the idea of getting people to look at money differently and inspire them to save no matter the amount. I think most people ignore money if they see it on a sidewalk or in a parking lot especially pennies. I used to pick up change when I came across it but then I decided I should leave it for the homeless to find,but after observing several homeless people with their signs asking for help walk right by change on the ground I'm thinking I might as well gather it up since no one seems to think it is worth their time.

You Reek-A

This is one of those ideas that are so simple yet elegant it makes a person wonder why no one has thought of it before. Right now the only application is for bike locks,but it seems like with a little tinkering the Skunklock could be used for other things as well. The way it works is similar to pepper spray,though maybe even better. If someone tries to cut the Skunklock off it immediately emits a vomit inducing scent and can cause difficulty with breathing. When the inventor and his team tested it on themselves at different distances it was vomit inducing at 2 feet,at 5 feet it is very noticeable and makes you want to leave the area,at 10 feet it is still unpleasant. The product is selling for $99 pre-ordered and should be ready to ship by mid year of 2017.

Suffering Artist?

I'm not particularly wimpy but I don't appreciate pain and especially if it is self inflicted pain which usually leaves me questioning my mental capacity. With that in mind it is nearly impossible to imagine why someone would choose to nail their scrotum to Red Square,sew their mouth shut and wrap themselves in barb wire,then again I don't live in Russia so I don't know if this type of performance art may have merit. The young man who has done these things claims he is trying to awaken the people to what is going on,but it seems to me he may be defeating his purpose with the gruesome "works of art" causing more people to turn away than to look at their lives more closely.

Blind Sided?

I'm not entirely sure if this guy fits into the dumb criminal category or not...no,I take that back he definitely is in. I thought for a second that since he didn't get caught it might disqualify him,oh what the heck,I'll let you judge for yourselves. The police are seeking a man who left a Northampton (UK) store and "allegedly" concealed a venetian blind down his pant leg and up the back of his jacket and made no attempt to pay for the item. After carefully scrutinizing the photos taken by the surveillance camera I'm not sure if the police are after the right guy!

Germaphobes Beware!

For some strange reason for the last week a lot of germ information kept presenting itself to me so I decided to compile some of it and be done with it before further contamination. I found some of these to be surprising but you can make up your own minds about that. Which has more germs,the floor or the sink? The sink by a wide margin. BBQ grill or toilet seat? BBQ grill by around double. While we are on toilets seat comparisons,which is dirtier computer keyboard or toilet seat? Again,keyboard! Which has more bacteria,deodorant or a bar of soap? Bar of soap. Which is filthier,cockroach or housefly? Houseflies by two times! As an after thought a good,thorough,self respecting germaphobe should have researched and known this information!

Heroic High

A 43 year old man in upstate New York is facing criminal charges for breaking into his neighbors home to rescue their dog from a house fire. How is that fair you ask? Well,it seems there wasn't really a fire at all. After repeatedly pounding on the door he finally resorted to driving his BMW through the fence and into the neighbor's back door in order to save the dog. He was on an epic high from a combination of LSD and cough syrup and only imagined the fire. Though the dog was unharmed the man was charged with third degree criminal mischief and second degree burglary and held for $15,000 bail. There were no driving or drug charges as he didn't drive on any road and no illegal substances were found on him.

Cow Scents

I am so with the cows on this,nothing is worse than artificial scents that so many people feel the need to marinate themselves in. A Portland,Maine woman who is a maker of natural scents got the idea when she read about a Canadian farmer who started having trouble with his cows after his wife changed laundry detergents so he started changing into dirty clothes before tending the cows and the problem was solved. Cows have an extraordinary sense of smell and can smell scents up to 6 miles away. Let's face it the scented laundry supplies that are supposed to smell like laundry dried outdoors are obviously made by people who have never smelled line dried laundry. The woman blended several natural oils until she hit on a balance of woody,earthen musk. She then field tested it on cows and it was a hit,even increasing milk production. She named it "Farmer's Cologne" and it sells for $110 a bottle.