I was beginning to think I was losing my mind as I kept thinking my friend that just died would be calling or I would see her some where,or maybe even she would drop by,then I would stop myself and say that ain't going to be happening but then the next thing I know I would be back to those same thoughts. I decided it was time to take a look online and see if I could get a handle on this,the following is what I found and it offers at least a glimmer of hope that I am not slipping down the slope of sanity.
The 5 stages of grief are,denial,anger,bargaining,depression,and acceptance,though not everyone goes through them in the same order or necessarily goes through all of them. There were lengthy descriptions of each and several sites offering mostly the same thing. I think the first day I was firmly in the anger/pain stage as there was nothing I could have done to prevent it,and anger at her for getting into the position that would eventually take her life. Today with all my thoughts of her calling or pulling up or even checking for her car in front of the beauty salon she used indicate that I am in the denial stage. I have lost people in my life many times but I think it gets harder as you age,maybe just closer to home? I am not looking forward to going through all the stages and sometimes looping back through some of them for what could be up to 8 months,but then again what are a persons options? I hope this isn't so personal as to be objectionable but it does feel a bit better to get it out some.
The 5 stages of grief are,denial,anger,bargaining,depression,and acceptance,though not everyone goes through them in the same order or necessarily goes through all of them. There were lengthy descriptions of each and several sites offering mostly the same thing. I think the first day I was firmly in the anger/pain stage as there was nothing I could have done to prevent it,and anger at her for getting into the position that would eventually take her life. Today with all my thoughts of her calling or pulling up or even checking for her car in front of the beauty salon she used indicate that I am in the denial stage. I have lost people in my life many times but I think it gets harder as you age,maybe just closer to home? I am not looking forward to going through all the stages and sometimes looping back through some of them for what could be up to 8 months,but then again what are a persons options? I hope this isn't so personal as to be objectionable but it does feel a bit better to get it out some.
I lost my best girlfriend in Sept. 1995 and my Dad in Nov. of the same year. My Dad's passing was expected but not my friend, it took me three years before I could even talk about her without breaking down in tears. As the weeks and months passed after her death, something would happen and I would think, "Oh I just have to call Doty and tell her" then I would remember I would never talk to her again and the tears would come. So many years have passed and now I think of her with so much love and I realize how lucky I was to have a friendship like her's.
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